♪♪ ♪♪ [ Birds chirping ] ♪♪ -[ Speaking Polish ] ♪♪ ♪♪ What a good boy.
♪♪ ♪♪ [ Laughing ] [ Laughing ] ♪♪ [ Wind blowing ] Hey.
Dudus.
Come on, Dudus.
♪♪ [ Wind whistling ] ♪♪ Okay.
Come.
Bye, Dudus.
I know it's cold.
Bye, Dudus.
We love you!
Look, look.
♪♪ [ Sniffling ] [ Laughing ] [ Laughing ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Birds chirping ] ♪♪ [ Birds chirping ] [ Sheep bleating ] [ Birds squawking ] [ Sheep bleating ] [ Cellphone buzzing ] -Hi, there.
-Hello.
Are you in London?
-I'm in Shropshire.
-In Somerset?
-Yeah.
-Doing all right?
-Yeah, I'm all right.
-Good.
-Uh, it's been, um...
I've just been waiting by the grave for the sheep to come a little closer.
-Don't mean to keep you.
I was gonna invite you to Cafe OTO, but you're not in range.
-No, I'm here for a while.
Uh, but being here has been really good.
-Yeah.
Um, boy, um... Bah, bah, bah, bah.
So what about the sheep?
-The sheep?
I, um...
It's complicated.
It's like the -- the -- the more time I spend with them, the more I feel that they know that there are people buried here.
-Do you think animals know anything?
Why would they need to know in order for there to be some kind of intimacy?
-Well, there are these moments when they've, like, stumbled across Mum and Dad's grave and... -Stumbled?
-But, uh, actually [chuckles] I feel that, in some way, maybe they could acknowledge that Mum and Dad are buried here.
-Well, you know, like, there's a kind of... For instance, every Easter, in all the villages of Greece... -Mm-hmm.
-...all of the families go to the graveyards and have extended conversations with the dead.
-Mm.
-But they don't speak back, as far as I understand.
-Yeah.
But kind of like in the same way the sheep could know that Mum and Dad are buried here, I feel Mum and Dad know that I'm visiting them.
-[ Chuckling ] Yeah.
Let's talk soon, Toby, eh?
[ Call ends ] [ Birds chirping ] [ Bird squawking ] [ Sheep bleating ] -Hmm.
[ Rain falling ] [ Zipper opens and closes ] [ Thunder rumbling ] -Hello, Toby.
-Dada.
[ Sheep bleating ] [ Bleating loudly ] ♪♪ [ Birds chirping ] -This was 11 years ago, I made this.
-Yeah, I remember that.
A beautiful beginning the way you started off like that.
-Yeah, the colors of the flowers, my mama.
-Tell me about this trailer, Mom.
When did you get it?
-We got the trailer in 1994.
-Oh, '94.
-Yeah.
It's legally ours.
The metal's deteriorating.
You know, then the siding, the roof needs a whole new roof.
♪♪ I grew up in Brooklyn.
-Mean the Bronx.
But we came down here because your niece got shot.
-No, we got -- Makia got shot way before that.
We just wanted to visit and we liked it and we were safe.
A nice place to raise kids.
-I like it because, for you, it was pretty safe for you.
-We have gone through a lot of health crisis with him and stuff like that, but we have accomplished a mobile home.
Three brand-new cars paid off.
One, your dad crashed 'cause he had low sugar.
How many people could say that they have done that in their time?
Not many.
-What?
Crash a car?
-No, not crash a car.
[ Laughter ] That's true, right?
It went right into that.
That's a good one, honey.
No, I didn't mean that.
The robe looks kind of funny, David.
I got a brand-new one in blue.
Let me get it.
-You look good the way you are.
-No, this one looks ugly.
Look at all the bumps and it shows.
People gonna say I look horrible.
Wait.
Okay?
-Does that look better now?
The robe?
-Yes.
It was in 1981, almost '82.
'81, we worked together.
It was called the Federation of the Handicap.
And then we got married in 1994.
While we were getting married, we had to rush him to the emergency room the same night.
-Boy, we hated that thing.
The first visit at the kidney center.
I thank God that I have a wife.
She take good care of me.
[ Monitor beeping ] Ow.
Yeah, that hurts right there.
I need a lollipop.
-You need a lollipop?
-My hands hurt me.
-What's wrong with your hands?
-Nerve damage.
Feels like needles sticking in my hands, a lot of needles.
Then my hands begin to feel like it's on fire.
♪♪ -My knee replacement, October 2nd, I had a knee replacement and then I had a hip replacement.
I got two of them.
Yeah, it's painful, but I mentally have to get myself better because I have other people that depend on me, like my husband and my mom, my dad.
I remember in 2004, when my husband was really, really ill, I seen my husband cringing like this, like this, like this with his hand -- palm.
But he was, like, in a state like this, really quiet.
And I seen he was really stiff, and I tried to call out to him and I see him sweating profusely.
I tried to pick him up, but I couldn't pick him up and he fell.
♪♪ -My experience of death was that I felt myself floating in a fetal position.
That's how I felt, just floating.
It felt so good.
And then all of a sudden, I felt like being pulled.
Have you ever felt -- Have you ever done this -- stood beside your bed and just went back.
You ever done that?
-Yeah.
-That's the same way I felt going back into my body.
That's when Mommy -- Thank God Mommy was there.
If not, I would've died.
After that, I just wanted to live.
[ Soft piano music playing ] ♪♪ [ Groans in pain ] -Ooh, you sweating, honey.
Let me get you a blanket.
Let me get you a towel.
Let me get him a towel.
You know, last few years weren't easy for him nor I as a wife, because the way I loved him, I couldn't, you know, help ease the pain.
-[ Groans in pain ] I don't feel good.
-You gotta keep eating.
Eat some of this.
-Give me more.
-Pop it in his mouth, baby.
Don't let him just pop it in there.
-What?
-Shove it in his mouth 'cause he needs a lot of sugar.
It's at 75.
Open the mouth.
-Open your mouth.
-I know one day, I'm gonna pass away, but I wanna do it here.
Do not wanna do it in dialysis.
-Just a sick guy, but he pushed through.
That's why he was a warrior.
I say that the word "fighter," his name should go right underneath because he fought until the end, but his body just couldn't take it no more.
And I had to call hospice.
-And when he passed away, I felt this feeling of, like, sadness, a little bit of happiness.
That's maybe not the best word to use but happiness that he didn't have to endure a life that was just gonna get worse and worse.
There's nothing that you or I or even the doctors could do to make -- -I know, but it's just, the memories are so intense.
I yearn for his voice.
And even though he didn't have a lot of quality of life, just knowing he was in the house was enough for me.
And I don't have that.
38 years of good memories, sad memories, and, you know, rough memories.
But...we did the best with what we had and, you know, he died with you holding his head and me like I promised it, so I know I did the best I could as a wife.
-Yeah.
-That's the sad part about this pandemic that all these people -- fathers, grandfathers, mothers -- they die with the nurses, but they're not family.
And I'm so grateful and blessed that I had that.
So on May 24th, even though it devastated my life, I still find comfort that at least I said my goodbyes, and he was here with me till the end.
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -I'm one of the luckiest guys to have a woman -- -Listen.
Shh.
-Okay, I am.
Don't be jealous, guys.
To have a beautiful woman at heart.
She's always been there by my side.
She been a pain in the ass sometimes, but she's my heart.
And she is my rock and I love you forever.
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Birds chirping ] [ Clock ticking ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪