I've noticed a few key differences when I'm the speaker and when the governor is the speaker.
Number one, the governor gets 30 minutes, I get ten.
Number two, there's a row of cameras in the back when the governor is the speaker.
I get one.
And that's only because my buddy V is working the camera.
And number three, I think the governor probably had some fancy fish dish.
I get a hot dog.
It's important to know where you stand.
That's right.
Today's title is the Rotary Roast.
Looking around at the head table, I mean, Carol and Susan, I love you all too much.
I would never poke fun at your amorosa.
You're brand new.
I could never tell a in my way.
I just like you too much.
I would never poke fun at you.
But short a gust.
And let me tell you this.
It's been a pleasure to serve under you.
You can take them off.
No, I'm telling you, he was a great president.
The first thing he did was he invited me to lunch and he was going to talk about, you know, how he wants to continue me doing the joke of the day, which I really appreciated when I'm, you know, when I'm available.
And we went to lunch at some I forgot what restaurant, but we had this really cute waitress that was waiting on us and she came up and we had our menus and and she said, I'll have a quickie.
That waitress took his glass of water and dumped it on his lap and walked away.
And Shar was like, Wouldn't the Grimshaw's menu say, You know what?
I think it's pronounced quiche.
I notice your wife is here.
That's great.
Hey, you know what?
Him?
Men and women.
Yes.
This is not your turn to talk.
It's important for you to shut up short.
And many were sitting there on their back patio and drinking a glass of wine just a few weeks ago, and Sean was holding his glass and they talking and she said, you know, I love you so much.
I don't think I can ever live without you.
And his wife.
Mindy said, Is that you talking or is that the wine talking?
She said, No, that's me talking to the wine.
I don't know if you all know this, but Sean's family is from Sharon in Louisiana.
Yeah, if you don't know where that is, that is right down the road from where I'm from in Louisville.
We're not right down the road, just across the parish line.
I'll bet you our ancestors used to hang out together.
I have no doubt.
In fact, that explains why he's got a stupid name like Sean and runs in his name.
No, everybody's got nicknames down there.
In fact, y'all know charades.
Great Uncle was name poo Poo Rishard.
That's true.
That was his real given name at birth.
Poo poo ratio.
Well, after living a lifetime with a name like that, poo Poo decided that he was going to change his name.
He went to St Mary Parish at the courthouse, and he went to see the clerk of court and he said, I want to change my name.
The clerk said, Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You don't just come in here and change your name.
That's a whole lot of time.
That's a whole lot of paperwork.
He said, Are you sure you want to change your name?
Poo poo said, Yeah, I'm sure.
So he said, All right.
What is your name right now?
Poo Poo said, My name is Poo Poo Wishart.
The clerk said, Don't say no more.
I understand.
He said, All right, what do you want to change your name to?
Poo Poo said, I believe I'm going to change my name to poo poo.
Boudreaux Sean actually got stopped for speeding when he was on his way to Sherrington.
He's going down Highway 90.
After Lafayette.
You pass New Iberia on Highway 90, and he's going down there.
He got stopped by the Iberia Parish Sheriff's Department for speeding.
The deputy stopped him and pulled him over.
A man.
He was mad.
He jumped out of there and he starts yelling at Sean.
He said, Sir, let me see your driver's license right now.
Sean said, Oh, I'm sorry, sir, but my license is expired.
I don't have one.
He said, What?
He said, Well, let me see the registration to your car or shorts.
And this is a stolen car.
I don't even have that number.
The deputy said, Stolen car.
He said, Yeah, and if you don't mind, don't dig in my glove compartment.
That's where I keep a gun.
The deputy said.
A gun?
He said, Yeah, well, I shot my wife and I have it in the trunk.
The deputy ran back to his share in his car.
He calls the sheriff.
He said, Sheriff, get over here quick.
I just stopped the man.
You got no license, no registration.
He's got a gun.
And he shot his wife and she's in the car.
Man.
The sheriff was in 3 minutes.
Come screeching up to the scene.
He runs up to Sean said, Sir, understand that you don't have a driver's license.
Oh, sure, I said, Yeah, I have one of the keys right here.
You said, What about the registration to your car?
Do you have that?
Oh, sure.
I said, Yeah, Look, it's right here in the glove compartment.
He said, Hold up, don't reach in.
And they said, Do you have any guns on you?
Oh, sure.
I said, No, I don't own any guns.
He said, Well, I suppose your wife is not dead and in the trunk too.
Oh, sure.
I said, No, she's at home waiting for me.
I said, I'm sorry, sir, but my deputy just called me up and he said, He stopped you and you had no license?
No registration, you had a gun and you had killed your wife.
She said that line, son of a gun.
Betty told you I was speeding to not, You know, one time I brought Shar to Lawrenceville, where my hometown is.
He was in Sherrington, and he came to visit me.
And Lori, I said, Come on, I'll buy you a beer.
So we went into the only bar that's in Louisville that tiger in.
We got up in the bar and we started and the whole place was empty.
It was in the middle of the day, except that was these two fellows sitting at the end of the bar and me an hour and a half an hour beer.
And Shar started listening to the conversation and the two fellows were like one of them turned to the other.
He said, Hey, where are you from?
I said, Me?
I was born and raised in Lower Ville, Louisiana.
Me too.
Me too.
I was raised in Born and raised in NORVILLE He said, Let's have a beer on that man.
They got him a beer and they drank it.
And the fella turned back.
He said, Hey, what high school did you go to in Louisville?
Boy said, I went to the Louisville High School class of 1969.
I'm going to say, me too.
Me too.
I went to Laurel High School, class of 69.
Let's have a beer on that and had him a beer.
Now the fellow turned back to the NCAA.
What street did you grow up on in Louisville?
Oh, grew up right there on Main Street.
It was like me too.
Me too.
I grew up on Main Street.
Let's have a beer on that.
They drank them and that finally sure looked at me, said, Kent, what in the world is going on?
I said, Oh, that's just the Boudreau twins.
They drunk again.
There is one bit of misfortune that Short had.
Every other president gets to travel to the big Rotary Convention.
You know, some go to Australia.
It might be in Korea.
Sure, I got to go to Houston.
Very excited.
He got in his car and he drove to Houston for the big convention and Short was telling me all about.
He said it was a lot of fun.
He got to Houston, though, and he didn't know where the place was and he's looking for the convention center and he didn't his phone died.
He had forgotten his charger.
He couldn't navigate.
He's like driving around Houston all mad.
He didn't know where he was.
Finally, he stopped at some convenience store and it was this old fella sitting outside and he's like, Bro down is when the Shah said, Excuse me, sir, but can't.
Can you tell me the fastest way to get to the convention center in Houston?
I said, You walk in or you drive in shorts that I'm driving.
That's the fastest way.
They sure said that they had some big event and they loaded all the Rotarians onto these busses and Shaw's waiting to get on the bus and he's waiting in line.
And you're that step on that bus is pretty high.
Well, they had this woman who was, I mean, like this tall with a tight miniskirt on.
I mean, that skirt was so tight she couldn't even split her legs to get on the bus and shorts standing behind waiting to get on the bus.
But this woman's try, she reaches back and she unzips her skirt a little bit.
And now she still couldn't get on the bus.
She's trying to get a all.
She reaches back again and unzips her shirt, her skirt again.
She still cooks.
Now she's trying sideways to get on the bus.
She reaches back a third time and unzips her skirt some more.
And finally short got fed up.
He picked that woman up under her arms, carried on the bus and sat her down.
The woman turned right.
Hurry up.
She slapped it upside the head.
She was like, What was that for?
She said, That's what being fresh with me.
He said, Me fresh with you?
You just unzipped my pants three times.
What the best part is?
They got to the convention.
So it was Maui and Shard.
They had had Guy there and Jim McElwain.
They all go now.
Sherry was so tight that she told them that they couldn't have their own hotel room.
They're going to have to walk together in the hotel, say, Well, I'll take a turn, sleeping in the room with each other.
Well, nobody wanted to sleep with Shawn because he snores.
Well, the first night it was Maui's turn to sleep with Shawn in the same hotel room.
Man, we got up to breakfast the next morning, he goes out.
His eyes were all bloodshot, his clothes were rumpled.
I mean, look, he was a mess.
And everybody else was like, What in the world happen to you?
I was like, Man, I spent the night in the room with Shawn.
That sucker snored all night.
All night long.
I spent the whole night watching him.
The next night, they swapped.
It was hair guy's turn, and he spent the night in the room with Shawn.
And same thing.
He got up to breakfast the next morning.
He was still in his pajamas, his hair all messed up, and he walked down to breakfast like the same thing.
Me shorts snored all night long.
They snored.
I spent the whole night watching him.
Well, the next night it was Jim McElwain.
Stern.
He spent the night in a room with Shawn.
He got up to breakfast, man.
He was looking all fresh and rested and dressed up, ready to go.
He said, Hey, fellas, You were like, Wait a minute.
Didn't you spend the night in the room last night with Shawn?
Jim said, I sure did.
He said last night we were getting ready to go to bed.
I went up to Shawn, tucked him in.
I kissed him on the cheek.
He spent the whole night watching me be right on time.
My time is up.
Let me say that it's been a pleasure to serve under you.
Thank you so much for allowing me to do what I love to do.
And go Tigers.