♪♪
Hi. I'm Lin-Manuel Miranda.
And welcome to the PBS Arts Fall Festival.
Tonight, continuing a tradition
that has now extended over 19 years,
the Kennedy Center presents the Mark Twain Prize,
our nation's highest honor for humor.
From Richard Pryor to Bob Newhart,
George Carlin to Carol Burnett, this is comedy's hall of fame.
And tonight the tradition lives on
as the Kennedy Center celebrates Bill Murray
with the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor
in the PBS Arts Fall Festival.
The PBS Arts Fall Festival
I'm so sorry I couldn't be there tonight
for this incredible celebration, but I'm home, relaxing.
When I heard you were receiving this honor tonight,
I knew it was a reason for doing what I love to do best --
get stoned before taping a comedy bit.
As a previous recipient of the Mark Twain Prize,
I'd like to say to you, "Welcome to the club."
And to the Kennedy Center, I'd like to say, "Really?"
Many people would love how you did
your Oscar review picks on "SNL,"
so I thought we'd take a look at some of your movies tonight
and do the same thing.
Wow! "Ghostbusters II."
Didn't see it.
"Lost in Translation."
You're telling me.
"Tootsie."
Now, Bill, you deserved to win the Oscar
for Best Supporting Actor for that film.
But you know what? Nobody cares about that category.
"Groundhog Day."
When I saw this movie, I came out of the theater,
and I thought, "Wow. That was amazing."
And I went right back in and saw it again.
And then I came out and said to myself, "Wow.
That was amazing,"
and I went right back in and saw it again.
And then I came out of the theater, and I said to myself,
"Wow. That was amazing."
Gets old, doesn't it, Bill?!
"Meatballs."
Three of my favorite things in this movie --
you, meat, and balls.
"Garfield."
Well, this was an amazing role, but, Bill, you weren't you.
Be you, Bill. Be you.
"Little Shop of Horrors."
What an amazing performance.
A role that will be remembered in the history of film.
But enough about me.
You were fine.
Bill, congratulations
on winning the Kennedy Center Mark Twain Prize.
Your characters are true, subtle, and always complicated.
You are the funniest and always will be.
And I think you and I are about as close as two people can be,
considering one of them is you.
Bravo.
♪♪
Tonight, direct from our nation's capital,
it's the 19th annual Kennedy Center
Mark Twain Prize for American Humor,
celebrating Bill Murray...
with...
...with a special appearance by Steve Martin.
[ Cheers and applause ]
And now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Jimmy Kimmel.
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Thank you.
Welcome.
[ Music stops ]
Thanks.
[ Laughter ]
I have to say, I want to admit -- And I'm embarrassed.
I'm a little bit thrown off right now,
and I'm not saying this is anyone's fault,
but I was under the impression
that we were honoring Bill Cosby tonight.
[ Laughter ]
I wanted to get things off to an awkward start, all right?
[ Laughter ]
But, of course, we are not here to honor Bill Cosby.
We are here to honor a man who travels around the world
spreading foolishness and joy wherever he goes --
Mr. Bill Murray.
Bill...
[ Cheers and applause ]
...is...
...not just an actor, not just a comedian.
He said that his goal is to wake people up.
And he really does wake people up.
He'll steal French fries off a stranger's plate.
He'll pull a cigarette out of your mouth and smoke it.
He will -- He will get physical.
A man came up to Bill on the street
and told him he was a fan.
Bill wrestled the guy to the ground and bit him on the nose.
[ Laughter ]
You ever see the video of the golf tournament at Pebble Beach
where Bill grabbed an old lady by the arm?
And he just grabs this old lady, and he kind of dances with her.
And then he hurls her into a sand trap.
[ Laughter ]
Bill Murray could shove you over the side of the Hoover Dam,
and you'd be like, "Hey, Bill Murray!" all the way down.
There are so many crazy stories.
There are hundreds of stories
that, if they weren't about Bill Murray,
you'd read them in the biography
of The World's Most Arrested Man.
And by the way, even if the police
did decide to arrest Bill, they'd never catch him.
You can't get ahold of him.
He's half-leprechaun, half-Pokémon.
He's, uh...
[ Laughter ]
He's the Irish El Chapo.
I can't believe he's here.
I mean, if the Cubs hadn't won last night,
let's be realistic --
We'd be paying tribute to Bill Hader right now.
[ Laughter, cheers and applause ]
Bill Murray isn't bound by the same rules of living
the rest of us are stuck with.
He just decided not to observe them.
You know, they say you need to live in the moment.
He actually does that.
I don't know too many people who I would describe as wise,
but Bill is.
He's wise.
He knows things you would never have guessed
he'd have any interest in.
When my wife was pregnant,
he gave us the besadvice anyone gave us.
If you're pregnant, you should write this down,
because it's good advice.
He told us, first of all,
bring an oscillating fan to the delivery room
because you'll get hot.
And he was right -- My wife got hot,
and then we had the fan, and it was great.
He told us to light candles around the bed,
which it turned out you're not allowed
to light candles near oxygen tanks,
because it could "endanger the lives
of everyone in the hospital," but the thought was good.
And he told us to hang Christmas lights
because, he said, delivery rooms
have these harsh, fluorescent bulbs, which ours did.
So we turned the fluorescent lights off,
and we hung the Christmas lights.
And, sure enough, my wife gave birth to a Baby Jesus
as a result of...
[ Laughter ]
Thanks to Bill.
Bill Murray is a genius.
There's nobody funnier or more beloved.
We all have a favorite Bill Murray movie.
I've been asked this question a hundred times already this week.
And, in fact, let's all say ours at the same time, all right?
Favorite Bill Murray movie. You ready?
One, two, three.
"Garfield."
[ Laughter ]
It's unanimous, then? All right.
We're gonna hear about all the big movies tonight,
all his great performances.
But before Bill was a movie star,
before he was on "Saturday Night Live,"
he was a young actor doing sketch comedy at Second City.
And here now to begin the festivities,
a classic clip of Bill at his improv best.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Door opens ]
Doctor been in yet?
No, nobody's been in yet.
-Wait long? -No, just a couple minutes.
Yeah, I just come in
for the old routine checkup, you know?
Can't let the pipes get rusty.
What are you in here for?
Kind of a urinary problem.
Bladder infection. Oh, yeah.
No.
More along the lines of, uh...
V.D.?
[ Sighs ]
The gift that keeps on giving.
[ Chuckles ]
Eh, you got nothing to worry about.
Relax.
Nothing to worry about?
You see "The Al Capone Story"?
Yeah. So what?
Yeah, he died of V.D., you know.
Brain syphilis.
Whole brain rotted away.
Hey, look, that's just 'cause he didn't get
the right ki of treatment.
You know, it's just like a cold or a virus.
They got antibiotics now.
Antibiotics?
Yeah, sure. They give you a shot.
They give you some pills to take home maybe.
You walk out of here. You're right as rain.
Don't sweat it.
Couple of shots and some pills, huh?
But it's still so humiliating, you know?
These are professional people here.
It's a hospital.
Good afternoon.
Are we first?
Uh, I'm here to see the doctor.
No, no, no.
I'm the nurse -- Sister Mary Innocent.
I'll be taking your preliminary history.
Over here, son.
Now, all right.
Your name?
Uh, John...Dough.
It's D-O-U-G-H, Sister.
All right, Dough.
And the name of your partner?
Sister, is this really necessary?
I was told that I could just come in
and get some antibiotics...
Oh, really?
...some shots and pills or something, and that would be it.
You were just told you could get some shots and some pills?
Oh, really? Well, who told you that?
Just this guy.
"Just this guy." I want to know what guy.
Well, he was just a guy.
No, I want to know what guy told you that!
Just a guy that --
What guy told you that?! What guy told you that?!
This guy! He told me!
Listen, young man, I think I can handle this by myself.
You know, Dough, this is a very serious matter.
Did you see "The Al Capone Story"?
[ Cheers and applause ]
He's one of the new, great humorists
of our young century, Aziz Ansari.
Hello. I'm Aziz Ansari.
Bere I get to my remarks, can I just say,
on behalf of all the other presenters and myself,
stop doing these events in D.C.
New York or L.A. Pick one.
We all live there.
[ Laughter ]
I just...
[ Audience booing ]
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Boo if you want. I'm a hero backstage.
[ Laughter ]
I love this city,
but I just think it's absurd
they always do these things in D.C.,
because the only guy that actually all the time
needs to be in D.C. has his own plane.
[ Laughter ]
You know, when the producers of this event
first looked at their lineup of presenters,
they all had the same thought -- "Wow!
We definitely got the whole white-guy thing covered."
"We need to diversify this...up."
[ Laughter ]
"Is there anyone we know, someone who's --
Bill has worked with or has a personal relationship with?"
They mulled it over, and they did the obvious move.
They called that kid from "The Jungle Book,"
but he couldn't make it because of a previous commitment
to his friend T.J.'s ice-cream party...
[ Laughter ]
...which is being held in New York,
a reasonable place to hold an event.
[ Laughter, applause ]
[ Chuckles ]
I first met Bill on "Parks and Recreation."
We worked together when, in our series finale,
he played our deceased mayor.
Well, we technically didn't work together.
I kind of just stood around while he laid down,
but it was magic.
And at the end of the day,
Bill went up to each member of our cast and crew,
and he said, "Congratulations. You worked on a great show."
"Congratulations. You worked on a great show."
And it was then that I realized, "Wow.
He really doesn't know any of our names."
[ Laughter, applause ]
But since that first meeting,
Bill and I have become quite close,
the kind of guys that text each other
when we think we're in the same town to grab dinner or a drink,
but are never able to quite make the logistics work.
Even still, our digital relationship is one I cherish
and is full of great memories.
Who could forget our first exchange?
"Hey, Bill, it's Aziz Ansari.
I got your number from Rashida Jones.
How's it going?"
Bill -- "Oh, wow.
I wish she'd cleared that with me first."
[ Laughter ]
And now I will transition
into the more sentimental part of my remarks.
Truth be told, my time with Bill has been limited,
but the time we have spent together
has always been unmistakably Bill.
Life feels special when he's around.
As a comedian, you sometimes get scared that when you get older,
maybe you get out of touch,
and you can't connect with everyone as well.
Sometimes, the people that get awards like this
haven't done anything good or funny in decades.
We've all been at those ceremonies.
It's awkward.
Bill is not one of those people.
He could have quit at numerous points in his career
and still received this prize,
but, instead, he challenges us to evolve with him
as he continues to grow as an artist.
And not only is he an incredible artist --
He's simply one of the most unique, hilarious humans
we've ever had on our planet,
and I'm happy to be here tonight to honor him.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Bill's first starring movie role was in the film "Meatballs."
It was one of six collaborations with Harold Ramis,
and I'm thrilled to introduce
a spectacular scene from that film.
Enjoy.
[ Applause ]
Phil: Cut the crap, Morty.
I mean, the Mohawks have beaten us the last 12 years.
They're gonna beat us again.
That's just the attitude we don't need, Phil.
Sure, Mohawk has beaten us 12 years in a row.
Sure, they're terrific athletes.
They've got the best equipment that money can buy.
Hell, every team they're sending over here
has their own personal masseuse.
Not masseur. Masseuse.
But it doesn't matter.
Do you know that every Mohawk competitor
has an electrocardiogram, blood and urine tests every 48 hours
to see if there's any change in his physical condition?
Do you know that they use
the most sophisticated training methods
from the Soviet Union, East and West Germany,
and the newest Olympic power, Trinidad-Tobago?
But it doesn't matter.
It just doesn't matter!
I tell you, it just doesn't matter!
It just doesn't matter!
Together: [ Chanting ] It just doesn't matter!
And even!
And even if we win -- if we win!
Ha!
Even if we win,
even if we play so far over our heads
that our noses bleed for a week to 10 days,
even if God in heaven above
comes down and points his hand at our side of the field,
even if every man, woman, and child
held hands together and prayed for us to win,
it just wouldn't matter,
because all the really good-looking girls
would still go out with the guys from Mohawk
'cause they got all the money!
Aah!
It just doesn't matter if we win or we lose!
It just doesn't matter!
Together: [ Chanting ] It just doesn't matter!
♪♪
She's an original Not Ready for Prime Time Player --
Jane Curtin.
[ Applause ]
Thank you.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Well, thank you!
I'm so happy to be here honoring Bill,
or Billy, as we knew and loved him
in the old days of "Saturday Night Live."
I knew from our very first rehearsal with Bill at "SNL"
that he was destined for greatness.
It was obvious in everything he did,
from the way he'd sneak up behind you
and rub big chunks of hair off your head
or the way he'd spit on your lunch.
If anyone's surprised tonight, it's Bill.
I asked him backstage
how he felt to win the Mark Twain Prize,
and, as humbly as ever, he said, "Jane, bring me back a coffee."
[ Laughter ]
Bill.
I'm so proud of my old friend.
He went from brilliant sketch actor to brilliant film actor,
following his own light.
Apart from all the laughs,
people love Bill for being a scamp, a comedy rebel,
a kind of Robin Hood who steals from the rich
and gives to an unnumbered bank account in the Cayman Islands.
[ Laughter ]
And, through it all,
through the crazy roller-coaster ride that comes with stardom,
Billy has never lost his roguish sense of humor.
Case in point.
I'd like to read a little note from a couple lucky enough
to have Bill surprise them at their happy occasion.
"Dear Mr. Murray, your coming to our wedding uninvited
was something we'll never forget."
[ Laughter ]
"Especially for my wife, who on our wedding night,
screamed your name while we were being tender."
[ Laughter ]
"Even though it rendered me unable to perform,
it's not important in comparison to the fun
of telling our children what happened on that special day.
That is, if all the medication and therapy
help me be a man again."
[ Laughter ]
"God bless you and your many sons.
Gwen and Jim Henderson."
Oh, "P.S. -- If you accidently took some of our wedding gifts,
could you just tell us what they were
so we can write thank-you notes?
We only have a year."
[ Laughter ]
Wow. Who said nobody writes letters anymore?
Billy, sincerely, congratulations.
Oh!
Cute!
I think we all look the same, don't you?
[ Laughter, applause ]
Remember when you were 1/2 of the world's nerdiest couple?
Oh, uh, Lisa... Yeah?
...I really need your help with my history homework.
Well, Todd, you know if you sincerely need my help,
you can count on it.
Oh, good, because I'm studying all about...
underdeveloped nations!
Cut it out, Todd! Cut it out!
Stop it!
Underdeveloped much?
[ Gasps ]
Why don't you go play in traffic?
You know, that's hysterical that you should mention traffic,
because here comes the Noogie Patrol!
Cut it out! Aah!
Cut it out!
Here's those fall noogies you ordered!
Cut it out! Our fall line!
Oh, black and blue
are gonna be the big colors this year, my dear!
Cut it out, Crater Face! Oh.
[ Doorbell rings ]
What happened here?
Oh! Ah!
ABD Cooling Systems.
Oh, you must be the refrigerator repairman.
Yeah, where's -- Oh.
[ Whistles ]
What a beauty!
An old Norge.
You don't see many of these babes anymore.
No, not too often.
[ Laughs ]
Not too often.
Yeah, that's --
That's a rare sight, all right!
Well, the power's working okay.
I'm gonna turn around, see if I can get a look at her.
Yeah!
Yeah, you just keep -- Maybe you should look at it and turn.
Hey, Todd, you think we should offer him
some miniature marshmallows?
No, I think maybe he might want the big ones.
I don't believe it.
Too bad u're not studying overdeveloped
nations.
I think maybe I'll switch to math and go into long division.
[ Laughing ] Oh, Todd!
You know, when I was a kid, homework wasn't so much fun.
Lisa: Oh, we're just laughing at something funny
that happened on the way home from school.
Yeah! The moon came out surprisingly early.
[ Both laugh ]
Oh, Todd, no wisecracks!
Oh, nice!
[ Laughter ]
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Father Mike Semansky.
[ "Ave Maria" plays ]
Hello.
Oh, beautiful, beautiful choice of music there.
What joy.
So much joy.
Hello. My name is Father Mike Semansky
from the Blessed Womb of Wisdom outside of Wilmette, Illinois.
[ Laughter, applause ]
When Mr. William "Billy" Murray
contacted me about appearing tonight,
I immediately sent a fax
to his answering machine in South Carolina,
and I said, "I'd be honored."
[ Chuckles ]
[ Laughter ]
Mr. Murray and I have a bit of a history.
I don't know if he remembers this,
but we first met when I was 11.
I was an altar boy at a different parish --
the Blessed Angel of the Virginal Bedspread.
[ Laughter ]
Billy was just a tall, deadpan, Loyola high-school student,
but even in those days, people could tell.
They'd say, "I bet one day that guy
is gonna turn down almost every project offered to him."
[ Laughter ]
Now, I only have a couple of minutes,
so I wanted to get to, you know, the reason I'm here.
For years now, we at the Blessed Womb of Wisdom
have given a scholarship in Mr. Murray's name.
I'll read you the descriptions here.
[ Sniffs, clears throat ]
"The Bill Murray scholarship fund
is given to young men and women
exemplifying total respect for society and its institutions
by also showing zero respect for society and its institutions."
The young people who are awarded the Bill Murray scholarship
enjoy a ceremony carefully designed by Mr. Murray himself.
Award-day activities include getting the children dressed up
in Mr. Murray's usual golf attire"...
That.
"...and having them dropped off in the South Side of Chicago."
[ Laughter ]
"Should they make it there alive,
or at least with golf attire still intact,
they are given a scholarship medal,
along with the famous Ron Santo Black Cat picture
at Shea Stadium signed by the cat."
[ Laughter ]
And, uh...
[ Laughter ]
And Mr. Murray assures me
that this is, indeed, the cat's signature.
[ Laughter ]
Now, no money is awarded for this scholarship,
because Billy isn't about the money,
even though, you know, he probably is.
There's a reunion of scholarship winners every 30 years.
Winners are to approach this
with "Ghostbusters"-sequel decorum.
Tell the others you'll do it if they do it.
Then you string them along for a couple of decades
and then kind of do it.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
All right, great. Great.
Now, uh, I have a confession.
I haven't seen "Caddyshack."
[ Audience groans ]
I know.
But I have seen test footage of lab rats high on cocaine
trying to play golf, which, I understand, is close.
[ Laughter ]
So, here's a clip of Mr. Murray
in a completely improvised scene from "Caddyshack."
Enjoy.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Thunder rumbles ]
What an incredible Cinderella story.
This unknown comes out of nowhere
to lead the pack at Augusta.
He's on his final hole.
He's about 455 yards away.
He's gonna hit about a 2-iron, I think.
Well, he got out of that.
The crowd is standing on its feet here at Augusta.
The normally reserved Augusta crowd...
going wild...
[ Thunder rumbles ]
...for this young Cinderella who's come out of nowhere.
He's got about 350 yards left.
He's gonna hit about a 5-iron, I'd expect.
Don't you think?
He's got a beautiful backswing.
That's -- Oh! He got out of that one!
He's got to be pleased with that.
The crowd is just on its feet here.
He's a Cinderella boy.
Tears in his eyes, I guess, as he lines up this last shot.
He's got about 195 yards left,
and he's got a -- Looks like he's got about an 8-iron.
This crowd has gone deadly silent.
Cinderella story. Out of nowhere.
A former greenskeeper now about to become the Masters champion.
[ Grunts ]
It looks like a mirac-- It's in the hole!
[ Applause ]
Ladies and gentlemen,
here's the incomparable Sigourney Weaver.
[ Applause ]
Good evening, everybody.
Good evening, Murrays.
I first met Bill in 1984 on Fifth Avenue and 42nd Street
outside the New York Public Library,
where they were shooting a scene from "Ghostbusters."
I was playing Dana, Peter Venkman's love interest,
which shows very poor judgment on Dana's part.
[ Laughter ]
And Ivan Reitman, our director,
told me to go introduce myself to Bill.
And Bill was in a blue suit, looking very handsome,
and I went over, and I said, "Hi. I'm Sigourney."
And Bill said, "Hello...
Susan."
[ Laughter ]
"Sue."
And he picked me up, threw me over his shoulder,
and walked down the street with me.
[ Laughter ]
Now, I'm almost 6 feet tall.
Nobody picks me up, and nobody calls me Sue.
[ Laughter ]
You made quite an impression on me.
You little minx.
[ Laughter ]
You know, I was pretty serious in those days,
and I felt it was my job to convince the audience
that there really were evil, possessed dogs inside my fridge.
And Bill would see me off in a corner, you know,
preparing, you know?
Trying to, you know, make the terror dogs real for myself,
and he would invariably find me and just tickle me
until Ivan Reitman said, "Action"...
[ Laughter ]
...which was sometimes a few minutes.
I'm always better after I've been tickled.
You know, I worked with Bill on two "Ghostbusters" movies.
Where the hell is
my
prize?
[ Laughter, applause ]
Wait, wait, wait! Wait, wait!
I've always wanted to do this.
And...
the flowers are still standing!
Okay, on my go signal.
Spengler, I want a confinement stream from you, okay?
Go!
Okay. Hold him up there.
He's gonna move. Hold him up.
Go!
[ Slimer grunting ]
It's working, Ray.
Start bringing him down, start bringing him down.
You got him. Don't cross the streams.
All right. Maybe now you'll never slime a guy
with a positron collider, huh?
[ Slimer groans ]
Venkman, shorten your stream!
I don't want my face burned off!
All right, I'm opening the trap now.
Don't look directly into the trap!
I looked at the trap, Ray.
Bring your streams off as soon as I close the trap.
Get ready.
I'm closing it...
now!
[ Slimer screams ]
[ Trap beeping ]
[ Trap beeping rapidly ]
[ Electricity crackles ]
It's in there.
[ Foot tapping ]
Hey.
[ Chuckles ]
Well, that wasn't such a chore, now, was it?
Mr. Smith, quickly. I want that door open now!
Stand over there!
We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!
Did you see it? What is it?
We got it!
What is it? Will there be any more of them?
[ Coughs ] Sir, what you had there is what we refer to
as a focused, non-terminal repeating phantasm,
or a class 5 full-roaming vapor.
Real nasty one, too.
[ Coughs ]
Now... [ Clears throat ]
...let's talk seriously.
Now, for the entrapment,
we're gonna have to ask you for four big ones --
$4,000 for that --
but we are having a special this week
on proton charging and storage of the beast,
and that's only gonna come to $1,000, fortunately.
$5,000?
I had no idea it would be so much.
I won't pay it. -Oh, that's all right.
We can just put it right back in there.
Thank you.
Oh, we certainly can, Dr. Venkman.
No, no, no, no!
All right! Anything.
Thanks so much.
Please welcome Rhiannon Giddens.
Mark Twain was a child of the Mississippi,
and he grew into manhood working on a riverboat sidewheeler.
Inspired by his time on the Big Muddy,
he changed his name from Sam Clemens to Mark Twain,
which was a boatman's term for 2 fathoms deep.
This song is most certainly one that he would have heard
on instruments just like this
and by people who looked just like us.
Well, kind of just like us.
♪♪
♪ Hi-ho, de boatman row ♪
♪ Floatin' down the river ♪
♪ The Ohio ♪
♪ The boatman dance, the boatman sing ♪
♪ The boatman do just anything ♪
♪ Never seen a pretty girl in my life ♪
♪ But that she was some boatman's wife ♪
♪ Dance, the boatman dance ♪
♪ Stay out all night, in the broad daylight ♪
♪ Come home with the gals in the morning ♪
♪♪
[ Music ends, cheers and applause ]
Twain's first published book contained the story
of "Jim Smiley's Celebrated Jumping Frog
of Calaveras County."
It proves once again, as you've shown us so many times,
if you're super-smart, there's nothing holding you back
from being really silly.
♪♪
♪ Way down yonder in the yankety-yank ♪
♪ A bullfrog jumped from bank to bank ♪
♪ Just because he had nothing else to do ♪
♪ He stubbed his toe, and in he fell ♪
♪ And the neighbors all thought that he went to, well... ♪
♪ Just because he had nothing else to do ♪
♪ There's lots of folks just like this foolish frog of mine ♪
♪ Frog of mine ♪
♪ Get himself in trouble just to pass the time ♪
♪ Pass the time ♪
♪ Devil always waits around just to catch the kind ♪
♪ What ever have nothing else to do ♪
♪ Now, there's lots of frogs having powerful fun ♪
♪ Spending their time in another frog's pond ♪
♪ Why? Just because they got nothing else to do ♪
♪ Now, all you folks better listen to me ♪
♪ You better stay home with your own family ♪
♪ There you ought to have lots of work to do ♪
♪ There's lots of folks just like this foolish frog of mine ♪
♪ Frog of mine ♪
♪ Get himself in trouble just to pass the time ♪
♪ Pass the time ♪
♪ The devil always waits around just to catch the kind ♪
♪ What ever have nothing else to do ♪
♪ When they buried that frog, the preacher said ♪
♪ "The reason why that poor frog is dead ♪
♪ Why? Just because he had nothing else to do ♪
♪ And the consolation which the Good Book brings ♪
♪ Said the frog with his habits never had any wings ♪
♪ Why? Just because they had nothing else to do" ♪
♪ There's lots of folks just like this foolish frog of mine ♪
♪ Frog of mine ♪
♪ Get himself in trouble just to pass the time ♪
♪ Pass the time ♪
♪ Devil always waits around just to catch the kind ♪
♪ What ever had nothing else to do ♪
♪ Now, all you people that hear this song ♪
♪ You know why that poor frog went wrong ♪
♪ Why? Just because he had nothing else to do ♪
♪ You better get busy on any kind of thing ♪
♪ 'Cause when that big horn blows on Judgment Day ♪
♪ Well, then we all will have lots of work to do ♪
♪ There's lots of folks just like this foolish frog of mine ♪
♪ Frog of mine ♪
♪ Get himself in trouble just to pass the time ♪
♪ Pass the time ♪
♪ The devil always waits around just to catch the kind ♪
♪ What ever has nothing else to do ♪
[ Tempo increases ]
[ Music ends, cheers and applause ]
♪♪
She's the leading actress of her generation --
Academy-Award-nominee Emma Stone.
[ Applause ]
You know, every so often, you get to work with somebody
who completely changes the game...
an actor that makes you a better actor.
They bring such an awe-inspiring power
that it just sparks creativity in everyone around them.
And when you find someone like this,
you make sure to work with them multiple times.
And I'm, of course, talking about Ryan Gosling.
[ Laughter ]
Oh! It's --
Also -- Okay.
So, I've had the great good fortune
of working with Bill, too, more than once.
And aside from his incredible comedy skills,
he brings a kind of generosity and caring to his work
and all around him that not all possess.
One time, I was working with Bill,
and I was going through a period where I was pretty down,
and he picked up on it.
So he started bringing me gifts.
Maui onion potato chips on Monday,
some flip-flop slippers on a Tuesday,
a special mud mask,
because I have pretty terrible acne sometimes, on a Wednesday.
Thursday, I don't really know if it's actually legal
for me to talk about, so we'll just...
Anyway, my personal favorite was the gift he brought on Friday.
Thank you.
[ Laughter ]
I love it.
[ Applause ]
Now I want to get serious, all right?
One story that captures
the unpredictable side of Bill Murray
is in the new book "The Tao of Bill Murray."
And when I think of ancient Eastern philosophy,
the first thing that comes to my mind is Bill Murray.
You got a lot going on.
When Bill was in Japan working on "Lost in Translation,"
he brought along an old phrase book
called "Making Out in Japanese."
[ Laughter ]
And it had various phrases for lovers, such as,
"You have a beautiful body,"
"I don't want to get married yet,"
and, "Do your parents know about me?"
[ Laughter ]
His favorite place to try out his new sayings
was while ordering dinner at the sushi bar.
Those poor chefs -- or, lucky chefs, maybe.
Bill learned another expression that came in handy...
[Speaking Japanese]
Did I say that right?
Can you say it?
[ Speaking Japanese ]
[ Laughter ]
Eh?
It's the last thing that a Yakuza hit man says
before he strikes.
[ Laughter ]
So, early one morning,
Bill's getting ready for a scene in the hotel,
and he's got his earbuds in.
The music is cranked.
He's singing loudly to The Beatles at 5:30 in the morning,
and his angelic voice woke up a hotel guest, who comes out,
and he starts yelling at Bill to keep the noise down.
So Bill turns, he looks at him, and he says...
[ Speaking Japanese ]
[ Laughter ]
The guy goes completely white, and he runs back into his room.
The tranation in the book that Bill was reading was,
"Who do you think you're talking to?"
The actual meaning was, "Now you're going to die."
[ Laughter ]
So, let's watch a little bit of Bill's amazing performance
in "Lost in Translation."
[ Applause ]
Director: [ Speaking Japanese ]
Uh, he wants you to turn, look in camera, okay?
That's all he said?
Yes, turn to camera.
All right, does he want me to --
to turn from the right or...
turn from the left?
[ Speaking Japanese ]
Right side and with intensity.
Okay?
Is that everything?
Mm-hmm.
It seemed like he said quite a bit more than that.
[ Speaking Japanese ]
Like an old friend and into the camera.
Okay.
Director: [ Speaking Japanese ]
[ Clears throat ]
"It's Suntory time."
Okay?
Okay. Okay?
[ Shouting in Japanese ]
[ Men shouting in Japanese ]
[ Shouting in Japanese ]
For relaxing times, make it Suntory time.
[ Shouting in Japanese ]
[ Speaking Japanese ]
Uh, could you do it slower and with more intensity?
Suntory time.
[ Shouting in Japanese ]
[ Men shouting in Japanese ]
[ Shouting in Japanese ]
[ Clapperboard clicks ]
[ Shouting in Japanese ]
For relaxing times...
make it Suntory time.
[ Shouting in Japanese ]
♪♪
In the tradition of Mark Twain,
he's an observer of the American scene --
Roy Blount Jr.
Uh, this award is named for a writer of novels
and essays and travel books and so on.
God forbid it should be awarded
to
a writer of novels, travel books, and so on.
But Bill Murray has this in common with Mark Twain --
He makes up his own stuff.
A script to Bill Murray is a chance to say something else.
[ Laughter ]
We're on the set of "Larger Than Life,"
a movie that I, so to speak, wrote.
The co-stars are Bill Murray and Tai.
Now, I don't know if you know Tai's work or not,
but on Tai's imdb.com page,
it says "Trivia" and just one note.
"Trivia: Is an elephant."
[ Laughter ]
We're out in the middle of Utah,
out in the desert, somewhere on the highway,
where there's a big scene we got to shoot.
The timing's got to be just right.
And Bill brings out a boom box
and starts leading everyone in singing "YMCA."
You know -- all the set, all the crew,
all the cast, all the, you know, Teamsters hanging around.
Whoever's there.
Just some people wandered up out of the desert.
We're all going -- doing "Y-M-C-A"...
except for Tai.
You know, as great a talent as Tai is,
she is an elephant.
But about the third time through, I look --
I'm standing next to Tai.
And, you know, she doesn't do it in a big way.
She doesn't do it in a loud way.
But she puts her trunk up
and trumpets something that sounds a lot like "Y."
And then she does a kind of humph that's close to an "M."
She can't do much with "C," but then she does a little "A."
Just a little soft trumpet of "A."
So don't ever let anybody tell you
that Bill Murray is not a man of letters.
[ Laughter ]
Now, Bill is a serious sports guy.
How serious?
Back in 1994, I helped him work up a bunch --
a series of spots for the National Basketball Association.
Bill Murray wanted to play in the NBA.
There is one more NBA story we want to touch on this week --
our continuing coverage
of Bill Murray's attempt to play in the NBA.
Just to refresh your memory, it was last November 12th
that Murray shocked the movie world
by making this announcement.
I have decided to retire from the field of entertainment
so that I may pursue a dream.
I want to play in the NBA.
[ Men chanting ]
It's like a religion with me.
I believe in myself. I'm there for me.
I believe in the ball,
and the ball is there for me.
I believe in the court,
but I just can't find the court.
I have a ball.
And I'm here.
I just can't find my court.
I know it's out there... somewhere.
Ahmad: Unlike most NBA players who spend their time in gyms,
training against top NBA competition,
Murray instead found his own NBA hopefuls to work out with.
I got a foul.
Foul? Right here.
It wouldn't have been a foul if you made the shot.
It's the first one I've called, man. Come on.
When I get to a town,
I'm just gonna go find a farmers' market,
go get fresh vegetables and juice.
I got a really powerful will,
but I just don't know where to direct it sometimes, you know?
Like, I knew I was hungry
and I knew I had to get food and I did, you know?
That's an example of my willpower.
You know, it's just that I --
You know, I didn't have time
to go get the vegetables this morning.
Reporter: Why are you doing this?
I have achieved everything possible in my own field.
I am at the pinnacle of my industry,
and I have nothing else to prove.
Reporter #2: Did you ever win an Oscar?
[ Camera shutters clicking ]
No, not an Oscar. No.
Were you ever nominated?
No, I didn't wi-- I wasn't nominated, either, no.
At this stage in his attempt to play in the NBA,
it was hard for even me to take him seriously.
He had been practicing against inferior talent
and failed to show this reporter
anything close to big-league ability.
But every time I spoke with Murray,
his confidence and determination never wavered.
Aaaah! Aah!
And a foul.
I got this here.
That's a pass.
I finally caught up with him on a small farm in Missouri.
And here's that interview.
You didn't make it in the NBA, Bill.
They say you got no game.
[ Train whistle blows ]
Well, maybe it's like Red Auerbach said --
"Fella ain't got a game of his own,
just a little piece of a big game --
the one big game that belongs to everybody."
And then... And then what?
Then it don't matter.
I'll be all around in the dark, everywhere there's a game.
Wherever there's a fight, men diving,
scrambling for a loose ball, I'll be there.
Wherever a little man catches an elbow on his way to the hole,
I'll be there.
I'll be in the way guys whine
when they act like they've been fouled,
and I'll be in the way a kid smiles
when his hero drains the three.
And when a team clinches at home on an alley-oop thunder dunk
and everybody's on their feet yelling,
blocking the TV set, I'll be there, too.
I don't understand it, Bill.
Me neither, Ahmad.
It's just something I've been thinking about.
So, to Bill Murray, we congratulate you
on at least going out and giving a try.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Please welcome Bill Hader.
[ "Wedding Bell Blues" plays ]
Bill Murray is famous for photobombing life,
showing up at random times in other people's lives
and leaving them with the phrase,
"Nobody will ever believe you."
[ Laughter ]
He once joined in a hipster kickball game
on Roosevelt Island, and no one knew it was Bill
until he was tagged out at second base.
[ Laughter ]
Another time, he crashed an engagement photo
of two perfect strangers.
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughs ]
I hadn't seen the photo yet. That's good.
[ Laughter ]
And if you're ever wondering,
"When is someone finally going to try reading
Emily Dickinson to a crew of hard hats?"
well, here he is, doing that very thing
at the Poets House across from Ground Zero.
[ Laughter ]
That's the beauty of Bill. To him, life is a party,
the world is an improv stage, and we are all in his show.
This next clip looks so much like real life
that you might come away saying, "Well, maybe it is."
I'm referring to, of course, "Coffee and Cigarettes"
and the scene with the Wu-Tang Clan's RZA and GZA.
[ Applause ]
Bill: Anybody need more coffee? Kitchen's closing.
Nah, man, we don't mess with caffeine.
You don't?
No, I don't.
Don't you know caffeine can cause serious delirium?
Delirium?
Serious
delirium?
Now
you tell me.
Well, that may be my problem -- delirium.
Hmm. Whatever.
Ohh.
Aren't you Bill Murray, man?
That's Bill -- Bill Murray?
Yeah, I'm Bill Murray.
But, uh, let's keep that just between us, all right?
Bill Murray.
Yo, yo.
Just between us.
Uh, and you guys are, uh...related?
Yeah, we cousins. We family, man.
Yeah, no, but you're messing with me, though,
because you're -- you're both troublemakers.
Troublemakers?
The Wu-Tang Clan.
Right, Wu-Tang Clan.
You're GZA, the genius.
That's right.
And you're RZA.
AKA [imitates beeping]
Bobby Digital.
Yeah, he knows hip-hop, yo.
He knows hip-hop.
And you're Bill Murray.
Bill "Groundhog Day, Ghostbusting-ass" Murray.
Who you gonna call?
I know that.
Just don't tell anybody.
What you mean, don't tell nobody, Bill Murray?
I mean, people are gonna come in.
They're gonna see you. You're Bill Murray.
It's obvious.
Unless you wearing a disguise or something.
Well, I am wearing kind of a disguise.
[ Laughs ]
Damn, that's harsh, money.
You're a real caffeine junkie, aren't you?
Let's just keep it down, just between us.
Cheers, man.
[ Music plays softly ]
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome Jason Schwartzman.
[ Applause ]
"The Grand Budapest Hotel," "Fantastic Mr. Fox,"
"The Darjeeling Limited," "The Royal Tenenbaums,"
"Moonrise Kingdom," and of course, "Rushmore."
[ Cheers and applause ]
Thank you.
I've had the pleasure of making five films with Bill
under the direction of Wes Anderson.
[ Laughter ]
I turned 18 years old when Bill and I made "Rushmore,"
and I'll never forget -- Bill took me aside,
and he said, "Jason...Schwartzman"...
[ Laughter ]
..."you're a man now --
a Schwartz-man."
[ Laughter ]
"Start acting like it."
Bill was always very good to me.
That's why, when they asked me to be here tonight
to pay tribute to him,
I didn't even give it a second thought.
[ Laughter ]
I dropped everything
to let this man know how much I care.
I love you, Bill.
[ Laughter ]
Wes Anderson had been a fan of Bill Murray his whole life.
He dressed up as Peter Venkman for Halloween.
And how many guys in their mid 40s can say that,
besides all of them?
[ Laughter ]
So when the time was right in Wes' career,
he sent Bill a script.
What Bill read was "Rushmore,"
the low-key story of a depressed millionaire
locked in romantic combat
with a seriously underachieving private-school student...
battling for the affections of a teacher.
Bill and Wes went on to make six more movies together,
and counting.
Here's a look at what we've done so far.
Supposedly, Cousteau and his cronies
invented the idea of putting walkie-talkies into the helmet.
But we made ours with a special rabbit ear on the top
so we could pipe in some music.
[ Techno music plays ]
That's it. I'm gonna fight you, Steve.
Aah. Ohh!
You never say, "I'm gonna fight you, Steve."
You just smile and act natural, and then you sucker-punch him.
You fight your way, and I'll fight mine.
Oh, listen, Ned, don't you try to --
Oh!
[ Thud ]
Warm up the motor. I'll be right back.
Hold it right there.
You're not leaving this island.
Our daughter has been abducted by one of these beige lunatics.
Walt, it's very clear,
the two of them conspired in this together.
Don't worry, Mr. Bishop. She'll be safe.
Sam's got excellent wilderness skills.
Why can't you control your scouts?!
Well, I'm tr-- I'm trying.
Whoa, whoa! Hey!
Walt, stop it! Stop it!
Stop it! Stop it!
Hey, amigo.
Max: So, who gave you the shiner?
Either Ronny or Donny.
Can't tell the difference anymore.
Well, whichever one it was really clocked you.
Mm.
Kids don't like it when their parents get divorced.
I don't blame them.
Neither do I.
[ Elevator bell dings ]
[ Elevator doors creak ]
[ Elevator doors creak shut ]
[ Elevator motor whirring ]
[ Sighs ]
How is she?
I really wouldn't know.
Why not?
I haven't seen her in six weeks.
Hmm.
She's sweet, but she's .... up.
[ Elevator dings ]
Adios, muchacho.
Hey, are you okay?
Mm, I'm a little bit lonely these days.
[ Applause ]
[ Mid-tempo music plays ]
He's Bill Murray's earliest and lifelong collaborator --
Brian Doyle-Murray.
[ Music fades ]
Bill has been closely tied to sports as a player and a fan.
He even named his first born Homer -- Homer Banks Murray,
not after the Greek epic poet,
but for the act of hitting the ball
and touching them all,
and Mr. Cub, Ernie Banks.
[ Cheers and applause ]
In golf, he can still strike a long drive off the tee.
Bill partnered with D.A. Points
and won the Pebble Beach Pro-Am in 2013.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Once, while playing in a charity tournament with Bill,
we came to a par-three
where the player with the shot closest to the pin
would win a guitar
signed by Jerry Garcia of the Grateful Dead.
From the tee, you could see the small sign
marking the current closest shot.
Well, I hit a beautiful shot
that landed on the right side of the green,
then rolled left,
working its way towards the hole,
only to stop a foot short of that sign.
I sighed, and Bill remarked,
"Close, but no guitar."
[ Laughter ]
Now, I'm well aware that I was born
the year the Cubs last won the pennant.
And I've always said that like Mark Twain,
who was born when Halley's Comet passed over
and then died the next time it streaked by the Earth,
I may have to give my life
for the Cubs to win the pennant again.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Well, I said I would take that deal
as long as I can stick around for the World Series.
I'm still here!
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪ Now, this could only happen to a guy like me ♪
[ Crowd cheering ]
♪ And only happen in a town like this ♪
♪ And so I say to each of you most gratefully ♪
♪ As I blow each one of you a kiss ♪
A-one, a-two, a-three!
♪ Take me out to the ball game ♪
♪ Take me out with the crowd ♪
♪ Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jacks ♪
♪ I don't care if I ever get back ♪
♪ So it's root, root, root for Chicago ♪
♪ If they don't win, it's a shame ♪
♪ For it's one, two, three strikes you're out ♪
♪ At the old ball game ♪
Let's get some runs!
Yeah!
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Piano plays soft music ]
[ Chuckles ] Oh, hello, everybody.
I'm Paul Shaffer.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Thanks for remembering.
You know, ladies and gentlemen, we're here to honor Bill --
Bill Murray -- tonight,
and I'm particularly honored to be a small part --
a small but essential part of his big night.
But I'm here specifically
to pay homage to a certain lounge performer.
I'm not gonna call this entertainer a genius,
ladies and gentlemen,
because I have too much respect for your intelligence,
but let's just say he is a man of many moods,
as comfortable with childlike joy
as he is with severe manic depression.
[ Laughter ]
He always proves that it was no accident
that he was able to make it
to that coveted middle rung of show business.
And you know, when Nick gets hold of a song,
he has an uncanny way of making you feel
that he's singing just to you and possibly three other people.
[ Laughter ]
And Nick has been -- He's been so loyal to
me.
I -- I like to think
that it's because I know my way around the piano,
but deep down, I know
that Nick is just more comfortable having a Jew around.
So...
[ Laughter ]
So, here's a little trick for Nick.
♪ Nick, Nick, bo-bick, banana fana fo-fick ♪
♪ Fe, fi, mo-mick-ah ♪
♪ Nick ♪
For a limited time, we are proud to present
the timeless musical magic of Mr. Nick Winters.
Nick: ♪ We met ♪
♪ We spoke ♪
♪ Our love became ♪
Intimate moments, treasured memories.
Nothing excites like the power of music,
and no one oversells a song more powerfully
than Nick Winters.
Well, if you're from Chicago, there's a very real chance
you'll be singing this song tomorrow.
♪ Those raindrops keep falling on my head ♪
Thank you!
From his humble beginnings as a singing weatherman
at a public-access station...
♪ Crying's not for me ♪
...to international semi-stardom...
[ Singing loudly but indistinctly ]
...to headlining super-intimate soirees...
♪ I love you just the way you a-a-a-a-a-are ♪
♪ Are, are, are, are, are ♪
♪ Hava Nagila ♪
♪ Venis mecha ♪
For the first time, this priceless treasury
of Nick's most memorable songs
are now together -- some in stereo.
♪ Jaws ♪
♪ Get away from me ♪
♪ Jaws ♪
♪ Badlands ♪
♪ Gotta live it every day ♪
♪ Let the broken hearts stand ♪
♪ As the price you've gotta pay ♪
♪ Dah ♪
And now, available for the first time,
the song that started it all.
[ Humming "Also sprach Zarathustra" ]
♪ Goo-goo-goo-goo chack ♪
[ "Star Wars" theme plays ]
♪ Ah, Star Wars ♪
♪ Nothing but Star Wars ♪
♪ Give me those Star Wars ♪
♪ Don't let them end ♪
♪ Star Wars ♪
♪ Those near and far wars ♪
My seventh winter up here!
♪ Star Wa-a-a-rs ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
Now available in biodegradable packaging.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Paul: Wow, talk -- Hey, look!
It's Miley Cyrus! Wow!
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Piano plays "My Way" ]
♪ And now ♪
♪ The end is near ♪
It's almost 9:45.
So Bill will face
♪ The final curtain ♪
♪ And my friends ♪
♪ I'll say it clear ♪
♪ I'll say my case ♪
♪ Without twerkin' ♪
I'm serious.
♪ He's lived ♪
Maybe just a little.
♪ A life as full ♪
♪ And he has traveled each and every highway ♪
♪ Oh, but more ♪
♪ Much more than this ♪
♪ Bill did it his way ♪
[ Tempo quickens, guitar plays ]
So am I!
♪ Come on, everybody! ♪
♪ Yeah, there were times ♪
♪ I'm sure you knew ♪
♪ When Bill bit off ♪
♪ More than he could chew ♪
♪ And through it all ♪
♪ When there was doubt ♪
♪ He ate it up ♪
♪ And spit it out ♪
♪ He faced it all ♪
Come on!
♪ And he stood tall ♪
♪ And Bill did it his way ♪
♪ He's loved ♪
♪ He's laughed and cried ♪
♪ He had his fill ♪
♪ And his share of losing ♪
♪ But now, as tears subside ♪
♪ He finds it all ♪
Ha!
♪ Just so amusing ♪
♪ And to think ♪
♪ He did all that ♪
♪ And may I say, not in a shy way? ♪
♪ Oh, no ♪
♪ Oh, no, not he ♪
♪ Bill did it his way ♪
♪ For what is a man? ♪
♪ What has he got? ♪
♪ If not himself, then he has naught ♪
♪ To say the things ♪
♪ He truly feels ♪
♪ And not the words of those who kneel ♪
♪ The record shows he took the blows ♪
♪ Bill did it ♪
♪ Hi-i-i-i-i-i-s wa-a-y ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Music stops ]
There we go!
[ Cheers and applause continue ]
[ Laughs ]
This is happening right now in Washington, D.C.
[ Cheers and applause ]
The 51st state in the Union!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Paul: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome
Kennedy Center honoree David Letterman!
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ "Late Show With David Letterman" theme plays ]
Hi!
Thank you very much.
[ Music stops ]
Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.
My name is David Twain.
[ Laughter ]
On my way over here this evening,
a guy asked me if I was selling moonshine.
[ Laughter ]
I would like to say that it's a tremendous honor,
a weighty honor, prestigious, and a wonderful experience
to be out of the house, because I haven't...
[ Laughter ]
I'll tell you something. I've been watching this show.
Uh, two observations.
One -- And maybe it's because
I'm here now and part of the show,
but I have two observations.
One -- I wonder if the collective talent of the people
we have been treated
to performing here tonight on this stage
are truly equal to the talent
of this man sitting in the box right up there.
[ Cheers and applause ]
My other observation is,
Jimmy Kimmel, the beard is not working.
[ Laughter ]
I, uh...
[ Applause ]
I used to have a show on NBC. It was a daytime show.
It would come on in the morning at 10:00
and last till 11:30 in the morning.
And it was an immediate failure.
[ Laughter ]
A catastrophic failure.
Legendary in the history of broadcasting.
It was only on seven weeks, eight weeks.
I don't know.
I've had naps longer than that show.
[ Laughter ]
And in show business, as in life,
you're aware that failure crushes one's dignity.
But yet I had to keep showing up day in and day out,
and the staff and the band and everybody else.
But we were all forlorn and crushed.
And then one day, our producers got a call from Bill Murray,
who had been watching the show.
And he said, "I would like to be a guest on the show."
And, oh, my God, when we heard that,
the clouds parted, the fog lifted,
the sun was shining brightly, and Bill came
in what would be the first of 44 appearances on my shows.
And...
[ Cheers and applause ]
So, when Bill came on the show,
he was unable to save the show,
but by God, Bill saved
me.
And I hope that this
two- or three-minute little bit here tonight
evens up the 44 shows that you did for us.
[ Laughter ]
The final story is --
I'm not kidding around about this one.
This is something that will stay with me
and will stay with my family.
I don't know that Bill remembers this.
It was about 13 1/2 years ago now.
My son was 4 months old.
And after the show, Bill says to me,
"What are you gonna do this weekend?"
It was a Thursday. We were done for the week,
and I said, "Well, my son, Harry,
is being christened this weekend,"
and he said, "Oh, that's lovely. That's just fantastic.
Congratulations, and enjoy every minute of it."
I said, "Thanks, Bill. That's very sweet of you."
And Bill left, and I went back up to my office.
In about an hour, I get information
that a package has been brought downstairs
to the -- you know, the downstairs.
[ Laughter ]
And after we screen it and have the dogs sniff it,
they bring it up.
[ Laughter ]
[ Clears throat ]
And so I don't think anything of it.
And I drive home, and my wife says to me, "What's that?"
And I said, "Oh, I forgot,
this is something Bill Murray gave us.
Let's open it up and see what it is."
So we open it up, and she says, "Oh, my God,
you know what this is?" And I said, "Oh, what is it?"
She says, "This is a handmade Irish-linen christening gown."
And I said, "Bill Murray gave that to me."
And she said, "This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."
And then, that Saturday, my son,
in Bill Murray's christening gown,
was christened at St. Ignatius in Manhattan.
And we have this memory.
We have this gift.
We have this gesture for the rest of our lives.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Now, one thing about a great performer --
You have to make a great entrance.
And it's essential because if you don't make a great entrance,
you just suck the room right out of the building.
This is what I did a couple of minutes ago.
[ Laughter ]
But we could always count on Bill,
whenever he was on our program or wherever he is,
for a great entrance.
Please, take a look and enjoy these.
[ Applause ]
It's a pleasure for me to introduce my first guest.
With credits that include "Saturday Night Live,"
the films "Meatballs," "Caddyshack,"
"Where the Buffalo Roam," and "Stripes,"
Bill Murray has become
one of the top box-office draws in show business.
And besides that, he's a very funny man,
and it's a pleasure to have him on our first program.
Ladies and gentlemen, Bill Murray.
[ "Physical" plays ]
♪ I'm saying all the things I know you like ♪
♪ You're making with conversation ♪
♪ I gotta handle you just right ♪
♪ Do you know what I mean? ♪
♪ I'm sure you'll understand my point of view ♪
♪ We know each other mentally ♪
♪ You gotta know that you're bringing out the animal in me ♪
♪ Let's get physical, physical ♪
♪ I wanna get physical ♪
♪ Let's get into physical ♪
♪ Let me hear your body talk ♪
♪ Your body talk ♪
Ladies and gentlemen, the one, the only Bill Murray!
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Mid-tempo music plays ]
[ Shouting indistinctly ]
Just don't kill me!
Don't kill me, please!
Oh, God.
I got kids.
[ Crying ]
[ Crowd cheers ]
You guys are Americans.
What's the deal? You guys are, like --
[ Taser crackling ]
[ Screaming ]
Oh, God!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Bill! Bill!
Bill, are you all right?
Bill!
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Bill Murray.
Bill!
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ "I'm Flying" plays ]
♪ I'm fly-y-y-y-y-ing ♪
♪ Look at me, way up high ♪
♪ Thinking I'm gonna die ♪
♪ I'm fly-y-y-y-ing ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
And now to present the 19th
Kennedy Center Mark Twain Prize,
the chairman
of the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts,
David Rubenstein.
Has everyone had an enjoyable evening?
[ Cheers and applause ]
No doubt, one person who would have also liked
to be here tonight to honor Bill
is Mark Twain, for they both share a view
on the importance of connecting with other people
and leaving them far happier for the experience.
But Mark Twain was not available.
He was clearly busy elsewhere
trying to show his support for Bill
in another and far more important way.
Mark Twain was, no doubt,
connecting with some of his current friends
to ensure that Bill's beloved Chicago Cubs
will win the World Series...
[ Cheers and applause ]
...which they have not done since 1908,
a time when Mark Twain was still alive.
So if any of you are betting types,
it would surely be a big mistake to bet against the Cubs,
for you will also be betting against
the influence of Mark Twain
and the charm of his friend Bill Murray.
A big mistake.
And now it is my honor to present the 19th
Kennedy Center Mark Twain Prize for American Humor
to Bill Murray.
[ "Wild Thing" plays ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Music stops ]
[ Cheers and applause continue ]
Thank you.
Pretty good. It's a big deal.
Here, pass this around.
Pass that around. Pass that back.
Pass that.
[ Clears throat ]
Pass it. Let everybody... [ Clears throat ]
Don't -- Don't hog it, ma'am. Pass that around.
Let everyone see it.
[ Laughter ]
Keep it moving back.
I want to see how far back it can get
by the time I get done.
[ Laughter ]
[ Clears throat ] When I can't see it any longer,
that's when I'm coming down the steps, okay?
[ Laughter ]
[ Clears throat ]
So, my theme tonight is,
"What is it like to be beloved?"
[ Laughter ]
[ Clears throat ]
I come from Illinois. Um...
[ Cheers and applause ]
I grew up in a small --
what you would call a small house for nine children.
And their names are
Ed, Brian, Nancy, Peggy, Billy, Laura, Andy, John, Joel.
[ Laughter ]
I can say it faster,
but then you don't hear my name in the middle.
But it's Ed, Brian, Nancy, Peggy, Billy, Laura, Andy, John Joel.
And they're...
[ Laughter ]
I remember, when my father passed away
and left these nine children and the widow,
Brian became the breadwinner of the family.
And he got a great job as a peanut broker
with the biggest peanut broker in the world.
And he was gonna make a lot of money --
a lot of money.
But then one day, he announced that he was leaving,
that he was now practicing theater games
and was going to become an improvisational actor.
[ Laughter ]
And that's a big-money gig, if you don't know.
[ Laughter ]
That's a lot of money.
It's a big-money gig.
There's a lot of money being made out there
in improvisational acting.
[ Laughter ]
So then, years later, I couldn't do -- I couldn't --
I was fired from a number of jobs
for just not enough cause, honestly, I never thought.
[ Laughter ]
But there was a lot of misunderstanding
about who was supposed to be working
and who was supposed to be, you know, just supervising.
[ Laughter ]
And, uh...
And so I ended up going to Second City and hanging out,
and then it was, "Oh, who's that?"
"Oh, that's Little Murray." I was Little Murray.
And people like Harold Ramis and Joe Flaherty and Brian
took care of me.
But I mean to say tonight
that my brother had more guts than anyone I ever knew.
And the only reason I'm here
is because of the guts of my brother Brian.
[ Cheers and applause ]
He's been waiting a long time to hear that.
[ Laughter ]
Yesterday I was walking in the White House,
and I was in the Blue Room.
They didn't know I was there.
[ Laughter ]
And you look out the window of this room,
and you see the Monument and you see the Memorial
right out the window, and your heart just leaps.
It just leaps.
And you think, "Oh, God, it's real.
It really is real.
There's something that you can touch.
It's real -- that thing.
It's not just the stones.
It's the idea of America
and the idea of all that they wrote
and all that they feel
and all that the best of us try to get done
each and every time we wake up."
You know, if you have a good morning,
you're probably gonna have a good afternoon.
You know?
And this feeling of being beloved
is not just from the break I got with those brothers and sisters
or the break I got with my own six sons.
The break that we all get every single day --
there's just this little kind of --
there's a little trampoline that's inside of you,
a little kind of thing that bounces.
And it's -- it's something that makes you care.
It makes you care about other people.
It makes you care about yourself.
It makes you care about yourself,
and it comes to you, it lands in you,
and then you bounce it back out,
back off or you to other people.
You know, look at each other, look at who we are,
look at us. We're all here.
And what a break.
What a break that we're here
in this place right now, together...
alive.
You know? It's pretty good, right?
[ Cheers and applause ]
I tried to -- I feel like I'm in a wedding.
There's, like, a hurricane around me, you know?
Everything's happening, and it's a blur.
But I tried to wear something old, something new,
something borrowed, and something blue.
[ Laughter ]
This right here -- this is Chicago Cub blue.
This is what we're really all about.
[ Cheers and applause ]
We're here...
[ Clears throat ]
We're here,
and I'm glad that they won last night
so I could be here this evening.
[ Laughter ]
'Cause I really -- I wasn't --
If they hadn't won tonight -- If they hadn't won last night,
I would have had to have been there
because, honestly, I do not trust the media
to report the score accurately.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Clears throat ]
But I'm glad to have met all of you.
It's nice to be here.
And I don't -- As much as I dreaded this...
[ Laughter ]
I dreaded this.
I really had to come back to this idea that there's love.
There's love.
That's what we came with and what we go with.
[ Applause ]
[ Clears throat ]
And...good night. Thank you.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ "Sweet Home Chicago" plays ]
♪ Baby, don't you wanna go? ♪
♪ Come on ♪
♪ Oh, baby, don't you wanna go? ♪
Watch this show online,
enjoy additional Web-exclusive content,
and learn more about the Mark Twain Prize
and its past winners by visiting PBS.org/twain-prize.
And join the conversation on Twitter,
using #PBSTwain.
♪ One and one is two ♪
♪ Two and two is four ♪
♪ I just saw John Belushi's ghost walk through that door ♪
♪ Come on, baby ♪
♪ You women oughta go ♪
♪ Back to the same old place ♪
♪ Sweet home Chicago ♪
[ Instrumental music plays ]
[ Music fades ]
How are you?
Congratulations.
Good to see you. Thank you very much.
That was a great game yesterday.
Wow. Look at that.
This thing is heavy.
This is the official
Mark Twain Prize for American Humor.
You know, I think you're funny.
And you were funny when we were here.
I think you can be just a little bit...
Funnier?
If you could look just a little puzzled by it
every once in a while.
People don't want a puzzle president.
Man: It's rolling like this, is it?
And now take a look
at some of the shows coming up on the PBS Arts Fall Festival.
Next Friday night, "Lincoln Center at the Movies"
showcases the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater.
On Friday, November 11th, "Great Performances" presents
one of the all-time favorite shows
of the American musical theater --
"Gypsy," starring the amazing
Imelda Staunton and Lara Pulver.
And on Friday, November 18th,
we bring you the acclaimed cabaret show
"Alan Cumming Sings Sappy Songs."
[ Mid-tempo music plays ]