WEBVTT

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>>> FROM LABOR UNION DISPUTES TO

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NUCLEAR NEGOTIATIONS WIN THE

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U.S. AND FORMER SOVIET UNION,

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WILLIAM URY HAS BEEN IN THE

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MIDDLE OF MANY DISAGREEMENT.

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HIS RECENT BOOK IS CALLED:

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GETTING TO YES WITH YOURSELF AND

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OTHER WORTHY OPPONENTS.

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THE ULTIMATE NEGOTIATION IS WITH

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ONE'S SELF AND IN THE

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NECESSARILY THE OTHER SIDE.

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WILLIAM URY JOINS US TONIGHT.

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WELCOME BACK TO THE TOWN OF YOUR

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BIRTH.

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CHICAGO.

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YOU WERE FROM HERE ORIGINALLY

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AND YOU HAVE WRITTEN LAND MARK

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BOOKS ON NEGOTIATING.

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HOW IS THIS DIFFERENT?

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>> ROGER FISHER WAS ALSO A

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CHICAGO BOY AND SINCE THEN I

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HAVE FOCUSED ON THE OTHER SIDE

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OF THE TABLE AS BEING DIFFICULT,

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HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH BIG EGOS

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AND RIGID POSITIONS AND OVER THE

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YEARS, IT DAWNED ON ME HOWEVER

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DIFFICULT THE OTHER SIDE IS THE

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BIGGEST OBSTACLE TO GETTING WHAT

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WE WANT IN LIFE AND NEGOTIATIONS

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IS HERE, WITH OURSELF.

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HOW DO WE PRESENT OBSTACLES TO

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SUCCESSFUL NEGOTIATIONINGS, TO

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WHICH WE PRESUMABLY WOULD BEEN

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FIT?

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>> WHEN ANGRY YOU WILL MAKE THE

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BEST SPEECH YOU WILL EVER

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REGRET.

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>> AND SO, YOU TALK ABOUT HOW

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NEGOTIATIONS, ARE STRESSFUL.

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DOESN'T THAT STRESS SORT OF MAKE

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IT DIFFICULT FOR ONE TO ASSESS

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AND SORT OF NO ONE'S SELF?

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THAT IS WHAT MAKES IT HARD.

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THE FOUNDATION OF SUCCESSFUL

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NEGOTIATIONS, PHIL, IS SO BE

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ABLE, LIKE WE ARE NEGOTIATING ON

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STAGE.

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PART OF OUR MIND GOES TO A

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MENTAL OR EMOTIONAL BALCONY

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OVERLOOKING THE STAGE.

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A PLACE OF PERSPECTIVE.

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A PLACE OF SELF-CONTROL WHERE WE

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KEEP OUR EYES ON THE PRIZE.

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GOING TO THE BALCONY IS THE

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FOUNDATION OF THAT, AND IT IS

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NOT EASY TO DO WHEN YOU ARE

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UNDER STRESS.

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YOU GET AN E MAIL YOU DIDN'T

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LIKE, YOU HIT REPLY AND IT GOES

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OUT TO THE ENTIRE ORGANIZATION.

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WE NEED TO USE THE DRAFT BUTTON.

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>> TALK ABOUT OTHER WAYS IN

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WHICH A PERSON SABOTAGES HIMSELF

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OR HERSELF THAT IS HARMFUL?

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>> WE HAVE AN INNER CRITIC IN

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OUR HEAD, DOUBTING OURSELVES,

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AND GETS IN THE WAIVE OF US

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UNDERSTANDING OURSELVES.

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SO OFF THAN I FIND IN BIG

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NEGOTIATIONS, PEOPLE THINK THEY

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KNOW WHAT THEY WANT BUT THEY

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DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY REALLY

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WANT.

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I WAS WORKING WITH A BUSINESS

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ENTREPRENEUR IN A HUGE BUSINESS

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DISPUTE, AND I ASKED HIM WHAT HE

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WANTED, I SAID I WANT THE STOCK

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AT A CERTAIN PRICE AND FREEDOM.

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WELL ONCE WE KNEW THAT, WE WOULD

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GET IT.

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HOW DID YOU GET FREEDOM FOR THAT

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PERSON IN A SITUATION WHERE HE

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WAS TALKING ABOUT STOCK AT A

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CERTAIN PRICE.

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HOW DID YOU GET TO THAT POINT?

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>> ONCE I KNEW, FREEDOM, WHEN I

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MET WITH THE OTHER SIDE, OVER IN

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PARIS, BETWEEN THE FRENCH

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COMPANY AND BRAZILIAN COMPANY I

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SAT DOWN WITH THE OTHER

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NEGOTIATOR, I SAID LIFE IS TOO

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SHORT FOR THESE HUGE DISPUTES,

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FOR THEIR FAMILIES, ONE 50,000

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EMPLOYEES.

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I SAID IF WE COULD GO TWO TWO

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PRINCIPLES, ABOUT THE GUYS COULD

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BE FREE TO GO ON AND BE FREE.

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WHAT DOES FREEDOM MEAN, A

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ELIMINATION OF A COMMON COMPETE

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CLAUSE AND FIGURED IT OUT IN

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FOUR DAYS WE HAD BOTH MEN SIDE

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BY SIDE IN THANK YOU OFFICE IN

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AGREEMENT, JOYNLT PRESS

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CONFERENCE WISHING EACH OTHER

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WELL AND MEETING WITH EXECUTIVES

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AND HE SAID I GOT MY LIFE BACK.

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IN THE SITUATION THAT YOU JUST

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DESCRIBED, IT SOUNDED LIKE ABOUT

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THE SIDES NEEDED INTERMEDIARIES

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TO SORT OF THINK OF WHAT IT WAS

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THEY WANTED.

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WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE

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ONE, WHEN ONE IS JUST ACTING ON

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ONE'S, ACTING FOR ONE'S SELF.

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IN THE ABSENCE OF A MEDIATOR,

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WHICH YOU DON'T HAVE, YOU HAVE

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TO MEDIATE YOUR OWN DISPUTE AND

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LEARN...

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>> THAT IS WHAT THE BOOK IS

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ABOUT?

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>> BASICALLY DESIGNED FOR, IF

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YOU DON'T HAVE AN INTERMEDIARY,

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WHAT CAN YOU DO TO PRACTICE?

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THANKFULLY WE CAN PRACTICE EVERY

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DAY BECAUSE WE ARE WITH

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OURSELVES, 24-7.

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IF YOU PRACTICE A LITTLE BIT

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LIKE, FOR EXAMPLE, BEFORE YOU

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GET INTO A DIFFICULT MEETING OR

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DIFFICULT PHONE CALL, TAKE A

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MINUTE BY YOURSELF TO GO TO THE

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BALCONY AND RELAX, DEAL WITH THE

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STRESS AND FOCUS ON WHAT YOU

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WANT.

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LISTEN TO YOURSELF.

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AND THEN YOU WILL BE MORE FK

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TIFF IN THAT NEGOTIATION.

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PART OF THAT LISTENING TO ONE

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SELF, ULTIMATELY BECAUSE SWOCH

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OF WHAT YOU TALK ABOUT HAS TO DO

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WITH EMPATHY AND LOOKING AT

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SOMEONE FROM ANOTHER POINT OF

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VIEW, HOW DO YOU MAKE THE

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CONNECTION BETWEEN WHAT IT IS

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THAT ABOUT YOURSELF GETTING IN

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THE WAY AND THEN, WHAT IT IS

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THAT SOMEONE ELSE IS ULTIMATELY

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AFTER?

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>> THE ESSENCE OF NEGOTIATION TO

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ME, EVEN THOUGH WE THINK ABOUT

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TALKING, OBSERVE THE BEHAVE YOUR

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SUCCESSFULLY, YOU FUNTD THEY

05:27.133 --> 05:32.133 align:start position:10% line:74% size:67.5%
LISTEN MORE THAN THEY TALK.

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WHY DO WE FIND IT SO HARD TO

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LISTEN IN A NEGOTIATION.

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BECAUSE WE HAVE NOT LISTENED TO

05:34.566 --> 05:41.766 align:start position:10% line:74% size:75%
OURSELVES AND IF WE CAN LISTEN

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TO YOU'RESELVES, AND SPEND A

05:39.366 --> 05:45.500 align:start position:10% line:74% size:72.5%
LITTLE BIT OF OUR TIME WE ARE

05:41.766 --> 05:47.300 align:start position:10% line:74% size:80%
CLEAR MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL SPACE

05:43.700 --> 05:49.500 align:start position:10% line:74% size:77.5%
SO I CAN TAKE YOU IN AND LISTEN

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FROM THE OTHER SIDE.

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>> CAN YOU GIVE ME AN EXAMPLE OF

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A NEGOTIATION, WITHOUT NAMING

05:52.166 --> 05:58.566 align:start position:10% line:74% size:77.5%
NAMES, SOMEONE WHO WAS NOT ABLE

05:54.900 --> 06:00.766 align:start position:10% line:74% size:77.5%
TO SAY YES TO THEMSELVES WASN'T

05:57.100 --> 06:03.800 align:start position:10% line:74% size:75%
INTO A NEGOTIATION BURDENED BY

05:58.566 --> 06:05.100 align:start position:10% line:74% size:37.5%
ALL THIS STUFF.

06:00.766 --> 06:08.566 align:start position:10% line:74% size:67.5%
>> YOU KNOW, THAT BRAZILIAN

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NEGOTIATOR, HE HAD BEEN TWO AND

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A HALF YEARS, FALLING OFF THE

06:08.566 --> 06:13.533 align:start position:10% line:74% size:20%
BALCONY.

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HE HAD BEEN IN THAT SITUATION,

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IT WAS DESTROYING HIS LIFE AND

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OTHER PERSON'S LIFE BECAUSE HE

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COULDN'T CONTROL HIMSELF GOING

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TO A BOARD MEETING AND CALLED

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HIM SAEFL COWARD.

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AND ENGAGED IN AN EYE FOR AN EYE

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AND WE ALL GO BLIND.

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>> YOU TALKED ABOUT A MINDSET OF

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SCARCITY.

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WHY IS THIS AN IMPEDIMENT.

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ALL OF US SOMETIMES FEEL LIKE

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THERE ISN'T ENOUGH TO GO AROUND.

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THIS IS LIKE WIN-LOSE, IF I

06:36.633 --> 06:41.633 align:start position:10% line:74% size:67.5%
DON'T GET ANY SHARE AT YOUR

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EXPERIENCE, AND WE KNOW WHERE

06:39.566 --> 06:45.833 align:start position:10% line:74% size:52.5%
THAT USUALLY ENDS UP.

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YOU GO IN WITH THE SAME ATTITUDE

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AND WE END UP IN COURT AND WE

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END UP WITH NO RELATIONSHIP.

06:48.066 --> 06:54.933 align:start position:10% line:74% size:77.5%
AND THE ABILITY TO FOR EXAMPLE,

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LOOK AT OUR, QUESTION OUR

06:53.100 --> 06:59.733 align:start position:10% line:74% size:80%
MINDSET AND SAY, YOU KNOW, MAYBE

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THERE IS ENOUGH, THAT ALLOWS US

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TO SAY OKAY, MAYBE WE CAN ARRIVE

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AT AN AGREEMENT THAT IS GOOD FOR

07:02.833 --> 07:08.600 align:start position:10% line:74% size:50%
ME AND GOOD FOR YOU.

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ONE OF THE THING THAT YOU SAID

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EARLIER, A CONVERSATION WITH

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DIGNITY, SAVING FACE.

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TELL ME MORE ABOUT THE

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IMPORTANCE OF THAT AND ONE

07:13.733 --> 07:18.833 align:start position:10% line:74% size:35%
ACHIEVES THAT.

07:14.200 --> 07:20.433 align:start position:10% line:74% size:72.5%
SO MUCH OF A NEGOTIATION, YOU

07:17.300 --> 07:22.300 align:start position:10% line:74% size:67.5%
DON'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE YOU

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LOST.

07:20.433 --> 07:27.600 align:start position:10% line:74% size:32.5%
>> IT'S TRUE.

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AND I WOULD SAY THAT DIGNITY,

07:25.466 --> 07:30.866 align:start position:10% line:74% size:77.5%
GIVING RESPECT, YOU KNOW MAY BE

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THE CHEAPEST CONCESSION THAT YOU

07:29.133 --> 07:34.766 align:start position:10% line:74% size:65%
CAN MAKE IN A NEGOTIATION.

07:30.866 --> 07:36.666 align:start position:10% line:74% size:75%
COST YOU NOTHING BUT THE OTHER

07:32.833 --> 07:38.533 align:start position:10% line:74% size:77.5%
SIDE'S DIGNITY MEANS EVERYTHING

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TO THEM.

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AND EVEN IN HOSTAGE

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NEGOTIATIONS, I HAVE TRADED IN

07:40.866 --> 07:45.300 align:start position:10% line:74% size:72.5%
HOSTAGE NEGOTIATORS, BE NICE.

07:42.733 --> 07:47.900 align:start position:10% line:74% size:67.5%
TREAT THE OTHER PERSON WITH

07:44.100 --> 07:50.000 align:start position:10% line:74% size:20%
RESPECT.

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NOT, THE DIGNITY THAT IS

07:47.900 --> 07:54.266 align:start position:10% line:74% size:70%
SOMEONE'S BASIC BIRTH RIGHT.

07:50.000 --> 07:57.266 align:start position:10% line:74% size:72.5%
THAT IS THE KEY TO ONE ELSE'S

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MIND.

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EVEN A BAD GUYS.

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WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT

07:58.600 --> 08:06.566 align:start position:10% line:74% size:77.5%
RESPECT, WE ARE TALKING ABOUT A

08:00.566 --> 08:07.233 align:start position:10% line:74% size:75%
BASIC HUMAN BIRTH RIGHT, TREAT

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THEM WITH DIGNITY, WHAT DOES IT

08:06.566 --> 08:09.433 align:start position:10% line:74% size:12.5%
COST?

08:07.233 --> 08:10.533 align:start position:10% line:74% size:7.5%
YOU

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>> YOU HAVE DONE HIGH LEVEL

08:09.433 --> 08:13.700 align:start position:10% line:74% size:75%
NEGOTIATIONS AND INVOLVED WITH

08:10.533 --> 08:14.733 align:start position:10% line:74% size:62.5%
NEW ENGLANDLAR AGREEMENTS

08:11.900 --> 08:21.200 align:start position:10% line:74% size:67.5%
BETWEEN THE U.S. AND FORMER

08:13.700 --> 08:23.566 align:start position:10% line:74% size:62.5%
U.S.S.R., HOW DID YOU GET

08:14.733 --> 08:24.166 align:start position:10% line:74% size:47.5%
INVOLVED WITH THAT?

08:21.200 --> 08:26.100 align:start position:10% line:74% size:65%
I DON'T KNOW, A VARIETY OF

08:23.566 --> 08:27.133 align:start position:10% line:74% size:37.5%
DIFFERENT WAYS.

08:24.166 --> 08:29.333 align:start position:10% line:74% size:70%
IN THAT CASE IT WAS THE U.S.

08:26.100 --> 08:31.233 align:start position:10% line:74% size:77.5%
GOVERNMENT AND STILLS IT IS THE

08:27.133 --> 08:32.266 align:start position:10% line:74% size:70%
UNITED NATIONS AND SOMETIMES

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SOMEONE HAS READ A BOOK, IN A

08:31.233 --> 08:37.133 align:start position:10% line:74% size:65%
VARIETY OF DIFFERENT WAYS.

08:32.266 --> 08:39.766 align:start position:10% line:74% size:75%
FOR EXAMPLE, I AM WORKING WITH

08:34.333 --> 08:42.666 align:start position:10% line:74% size:80%
THE PRESIDENT OF COLUMBIA FOR ON

08:37.133 --> 08:44.033 align:start position:10% line:74% size:80%
HOW TO END THE LAST MAJOR WAR IN

08:39.766 --> 08:45.533 align:start position:10% line:74% size:70%
THIS HEMISPHERE, WHICH IS...

08:42.666 --> 08:46.833 align:start position:10% line:74% size:55%
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

08:44.033 --> 08:48.733 align:start position:10% line:74% size:47.5%
>> WHAT AM I DOING?

08:45.533 --> 08:49.766 align:start position:10% line:74% size:50%
>> HOW DO YOU DO IT?

08:46.833 --> 08:51.400 align:start position:10% line:74% size:72.5%
THE TO THE REBELS COME TO THE

08:48.733 --> 08:52.933 align:start position:10% line:74% size:47.5%
TABLE OR SOMETHING?

08:49.766 --> 08:53.333 align:start position:10% line:74% size:70%
MPLGTSDS AT THAT POINT THERE

08:51.400 --> 08:55.933 align:start position:10% line:74% size:65%
WITH WERE NO REBELS AT THE

08:52.933 --> 08:58.700 align:start position:10% line:74% size:15%
TABLE.

08:53.333 --> 09:00.466 align:start position:10% line:74% size:77.5%
WE HAD TO GET PEACE TALKS GOING

08:55.933 --> 09:01.733 align:start position:10% line:74% size:77.5%
ON, IN THIS PARTICULAR CASE I'M

08:58.700 --> 09:03.900 align:start position:10% line:74% size:57.5%
MOSTLY INVITED WITH THE

09:00.466 --> 09:05.966 align:start position:10% line:74% size:72.5%
PRESIDENT AND HIS NEGOTIATORS

09:01.733 --> 09:07.933 align:start position:10% line:74% size:70%
AND I HAVE BEEN TO HAVANA TO

09:03.900 --> 09:10.500 align:start position:10% line:74% size:70%
MEET WITH THE LEADERS OF THE

09:05.966 --> 09:11.600 align:start position:10% line:74% size:55%
REBELS AND JUST TRY TO

09:07.933 --> 09:14.433 align:start position:10% line:74% size:80%
UNDERSTAND HOW DO YOU CHANGE OUR

09:10.500 --> 09:16.766 align:start position:10% line:74% size:75%
MINDSET, FIFTY YEARS OF WAR IN

09:11.600 --> 09:18.233 align:start position:10% line:74% size:80%
THE JUNGLE, HOW DO YOU END THAT?

09:14.433 --> 09:21.600 align:start position:10% line:74% size:65%
GOOD WILL YOU CAN WITH IT.

09:16.766 --> 09:23.300 align:start position:10% line:74% size:75%
I'M HOPING THIS YEAR WILL BE A

09:18.233 --> 09:26.100 align:start position:10% line:74% size:65%
YEAR OF PEACE IN COLOMBIA.

09:21.600 --> 09:26.933 align:start position:10% line:74% size:72.5%
THE BOOK IS CALLED GETTING TO