>>> FROM LABOR UNION DISPUTES TO

NUCLEAR NEGOTIATIONS WIN THE

U.S. AND FORMER SOVIET UNION,

WILLIAM URY HAS BEEN IN THE

MIDDLE OF MANY DISAGREEMENT.

HIS RECENT BOOK IS CALLED:

GETTING TO YES WITH YOURSELF AND

OTHER WORTHY OPPONENTS.

THE ULTIMATE NEGOTIATION IS WITH

ONE'S SELF AND IN THE

NECESSARILY THE OTHER SIDE.

WILLIAM URY JOINS US TONIGHT.

WELCOME BACK TO THE TOWN OF YOUR

BIRTH.

CHICAGO.

YOU WERE FROM HERE ORIGINALLY

AND YOU HAVE WRITTEN LAND MARK

BOOKS ON NEGOTIATING.

HOW IS THIS DIFFERENT?

>> ROGER FISHER WAS ALSO A

CHICAGO BOY AND SINCE THEN I

HAVE FOCUSED ON THE OTHER SIDE

OF THE TABLE AS BEING DIFFICULT,

HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH BIG EGOS

AND RIGID POSITIONS AND OVER THE

YEARS, IT DAWNED ON ME HOWEVER

DIFFICULT THE OTHER SIDE IS THE

BIGGEST OBSTACLE TO GETTING WHAT

WE WANT IN LIFE AND NEGOTIATIONS

IS HERE, WITH OURSELF.

HOW DO WE PRESENT OBSTACLES TO

SUCCESSFUL NEGOTIATIONINGS, TO

WHICH WE PRESUMABLY WOULD BEEN

FIT?

>> WHEN ANGRY YOU WILL MAKE THE

BEST SPEECH YOU WILL EVER

REGRET.

>> AND SO, YOU TALK ABOUT HOW

NEGOTIATIONS, ARE STRESSFUL.

DOESN'T THAT STRESS SORT OF MAKE

IT DIFFICULT FOR ONE TO ASSESS

AND SORT OF NO ONE'S SELF?

THAT IS WHAT MAKES IT HARD.

THE FOUNDATION OF SUCCESSFUL

NEGOTIATIONS, PHIL, IS SO BE

ABLE, LIKE WE ARE NEGOTIATING ON

STAGE.

PART OF OUR MIND GOES TO A

MENTAL OR EMOTIONAL BALCONY

OVERLOOKING THE STAGE.

A PLACE OF PERSPECTIVE.

A PLACE OF SELF-CONTROL WHERE WE

KEEP OUR EYES ON THE PRIZE.

GOING TO THE BALCONY IS THE

FOUNDATION OF THAT, AND IT IS

NOT EASY TO DO WHEN YOU ARE

UNDER STRESS.

YOU GET AN E MAIL YOU DIDN'T

LIKE, YOU HIT REPLY AND IT GOES

OUT TO THE ENTIRE ORGANIZATION.

WE NEED TO USE THE DRAFT BUTTON.

>> TALK ABOUT OTHER WAYS IN

WHICH A PERSON SABOTAGES HIMSELF

OR HERSELF THAT IS HARMFUL?

>> WE HAVE AN INNER CRITIC IN

OUR HEAD, DOUBTING OURSELVES,

AND GETS IN THE WAIVE OF US

UNDERSTANDING OURSELVES.

SO OFF THAN I FIND IN BIG

NEGOTIATIONS, PEOPLE THINK THEY

KNOW WHAT THEY WANT BUT THEY

DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY REALLY

WANT.

I WAS WORKING WITH A BUSINESS

ENTREPRENEUR IN A HUGE BUSINESS

DISPUTE, AND I ASKED HIM WHAT HE

WANTED, I SAID I WANT THE STOCK

AT A CERTAIN PRICE AND FREEDOM.

WELL ONCE WE KNEW THAT, WE WOULD

GET IT.

HOW DID YOU GET FREEDOM FOR THAT

PERSON IN A SITUATION WHERE HE

WAS TALKING ABOUT STOCK AT A

CERTAIN PRICE.

HOW DID YOU GET TO THAT POINT?

>> ONCE I KNEW, FREEDOM, WHEN I

MET WITH THE OTHER SIDE, OVER IN

PARIS, BETWEEN THE FRENCH

COMPANY AND BRAZILIAN COMPANY I

SAT DOWN WITH THE OTHER

NEGOTIATOR, I SAID LIFE IS TOO

SHORT FOR THESE HUGE DISPUTES,

FOR THEIR FAMILIES, ONE 50,000

EMPLOYEES.

I SAID IF WE COULD GO TWO TWO

PRINCIPLES, ABOUT THE GUYS COULD

BE FREE TO GO ON AND BE FREE.

WHAT DOES FREEDOM MEAN, A

ELIMINATION OF A COMMON COMPETE

CLAUSE AND FIGURED IT OUT IN

FOUR DAYS WE HAD BOTH MEN SIDE

BY SIDE IN THANK YOU OFFICE IN

AGREEMENT, JOYNLT PRESS

CONFERENCE WISHING EACH OTHER

WELL AND MEETING WITH EXECUTIVES

AND HE SAID I GOT MY LIFE BACK.

IN THE SITUATION THAT YOU JUST

DESCRIBED, IT SOUNDED LIKE ABOUT

THE SIDES NEEDED INTERMEDIARIES

TO SORT OF THINK OF WHAT IT WAS

THEY WANTED.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE

ONE, WHEN ONE IS JUST ACTING ON

ONE'S, ACTING FOR ONE'S SELF.

IN THE ABSENCE OF A MEDIATOR,

WHICH YOU DON'T HAVE, YOU HAVE

TO MEDIATE YOUR OWN DISPUTE AND

LEARN...

>> THAT IS WHAT THE BOOK IS

ABOUT?

>> BASICALLY DESIGNED FOR, IF

YOU DON'T HAVE AN INTERMEDIARY,

WHAT CAN YOU DO TO PRACTICE?

THANKFULLY WE CAN PRACTICE EVERY

DAY BECAUSE WE ARE WITH

OURSELVES, 24-7.

IF YOU PRACTICE A LITTLE BIT

LIKE, FOR EXAMPLE, BEFORE YOU

GET INTO A DIFFICULT MEETING OR

DIFFICULT PHONE CALL, TAKE A

MINUTE BY YOURSELF TO GO TO THE

BALCONY AND RELAX, DEAL WITH THE

STRESS AND FOCUS ON WHAT YOU

WANT.

LISTEN TO YOURSELF.

AND THEN YOU WILL BE MORE FK

TIFF IN THAT NEGOTIATION.

PART OF THAT LISTENING TO ONE

SELF, ULTIMATELY BECAUSE SWOCH

OF WHAT YOU TALK ABOUT HAS TO DO

WITH EMPATHY AND LOOKING AT

SOMEONE FROM ANOTHER POINT OF

VIEW, HOW DO YOU MAKE THE

CONNECTION BETWEEN WHAT IT IS

THAT ABOUT YOURSELF GETTING IN

THE WAY AND THEN, WHAT IT IS

THAT SOMEONE ELSE IS ULTIMATELY

AFTER?

>> THE ESSENCE OF NEGOTIATION TO

ME, EVEN THOUGH WE THINK ABOUT

TALKING, OBSERVE THE BEHAVE YOUR

SUCCESSFULLY, YOU FUNTD THEY

LISTEN MORE THAN THEY TALK.

WHY DO WE FIND IT SO HARD TO

LISTEN IN A NEGOTIATION.

BECAUSE WE HAVE NOT LISTENED TO

OURSELVES AND IF WE CAN LISTEN

TO YOU'RESELVES, AND SPEND A

LITTLE BIT OF OUR TIME WE ARE

CLEAR MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL SPACE

SO I CAN TAKE YOU IN AND LISTEN

FROM THE OTHER SIDE.

>> CAN YOU GIVE ME AN EXAMPLE OF

A NEGOTIATION, WITHOUT NAMING

NAMES, SOMEONE WHO WAS NOT ABLE

TO SAY YES TO THEMSELVES WASN'T

INTO A NEGOTIATION BURDENED BY

ALL THIS STUFF.

>> YOU KNOW, THAT BRAZILIAN

NEGOTIATOR, HE HAD BEEN TWO AND

A HALF YEARS, FALLING OFF THE

BALCONY.

HE HAD BEEN IN THAT SITUATION,

IT WAS DESTROYING HIS LIFE AND

OTHER PERSON'S LIFE BECAUSE HE

COULDN'T CONTROL HIMSELF GOING

TO A BOARD MEETING AND CALLED

HIM SAEFL COWARD.

AND ENGAGED IN AN EYE FOR AN EYE

AND WE ALL GO BLIND.

>> YOU TALKED ABOUT A MINDSET OF

SCARCITY.

WHY IS THIS AN IMPEDIMENT.

ALL OF US SOMETIMES FEEL LIKE

THERE ISN'T ENOUGH TO GO AROUND.

THIS IS LIKE WIN-LOSE, IF I

DON'T GET ANY SHARE AT YOUR

EXPERIENCE, AND WE KNOW WHERE

THAT USUALLY ENDS UP.

YOU GO IN WITH THE SAME ATTITUDE

AND WE END UP IN COURT AND WE

END UP WITH NO RELATIONSHIP.

AND THE ABILITY TO FOR EXAMPLE,

LOOK AT OUR, QUESTION OUR

MINDSET AND SAY, YOU KNOW, MAYBE

THERE IS ENOUGH, THAT ALLOWS US

TO SAY OKAY, MAYBE WE CAN ARRIVE

AT AN AGREEMENT THAT IS GOOD FOR

ME AND GOOD FOR YOU.

ONE OF THE THING THAT YOU SAID

EARLIER, A CONVERSATION WITH

DIGNITY, SAVING FACE.

TELL ME MORE ABOUT THE

IMPORTANCE OF THAT AND ONE

ACHIEVES THAT.

SO MUCH OF A NEGOTIATION, YOU

DON'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE YOU

LOST.

>> IT'S TRUE.

AND I WOULD SAY THAT DIGNITY,

GIVING RESPECT, YOU KNOW MAY BE

THE CHEAPEST CONCESSION THAT YOU

CAN MAKE IN A NEGOTIATION.

COST YOU NOTHING BUT THE OTHER

SIDE'S DIGNITY MEANS EVERYTHING

TO THEM.

AND EVEN IN HOSTAGE

NEGOTIATIONS, I HAVE TRADED IN

HOSTAGE NEGOTIATORS, BE NICE.

TREAT THE OTHER PERSON WITH

RESPECT.

NOT, THE DIGNITY THAT IS

SOMEONE'S BASIC BIRTH RIGHT.

THAT IS THE KEY TO ONE ELSE'S

MIND.

EVEN A BAD GUYS.

WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT

RESPECT, WE ARE TALKING ABOUT A

BASIC HUMAN BIRTH RIGHT, TREAT

THEM WITH DIGNITY, WHAT DOES IT

COST?

YOU

>> YOU HAVE DONE HIGH LEVEL

NEGOTIATIONS AND INVOLVED WITH

NEW ENGLANDLAR AGREEMENTS

BETWEEN THE U.S. AND FORMER

U.S.S.R., HOW DID YOU GET

INVOLVED WITH THAT?

I DON'T KNOW, A VARIETY OF

DIFFERENT WAYS.

IN THAT CASE IT WAS THE U.S.

GOVERNMENT AND STILLS IT IS THE

UNITED NATIONS AND SOMETIMES

SOMEONE HAS READ A BOOK, IN A

VARIETY OF DIFFERENT WAYS.

FOR EXAMPLE, I AM WORKING WITH

THE PRESIDENT OF COLUMBIA FOR ON

HOW TO END THE LAST MAJOR WAR IN

THIS HEMISPHERE, WHICH IS...

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

>> WHAT AM I DOING?

>> HOW DO YOU DO IT?

THE TO THE REBELS COME TO THE

TABLE OR SOMETHING?

MPLGTSDS AT THAT POINT THERE

WITH WERE NO REBELS AT THE

TABLE.

WE HAD TO GET PEACE TALKS GOING

ON, IN THIS PARTICULAR CASE I'M

MOSTLY INVITED WITH THE

PRESIDENT AND HIS NEGOTIATORS

AND I HAVE BEEN TO HAVANA TO

MEET WITH THE LEADERS OF THE

REBELS AND JUST TRY TO

UNDERSTAND HOW DO YOU CHANGE OUR

MINDSET, FIFTY YEARS OF WAR IN

THE JUNGLE, HOW DO YOU END THAT?

GOOD WILL YOU CAN WITH IT.

I'M HOPING THIS YEAR WILL BE A

YEAR OF PEACE IN COLOMBIA.

THE BOOK IS CALLED GETTING TO