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>>> FROM LABOR UNION DISPUTES TO

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NUCLEAR NEGOTIATIONS WIN THE

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U.S. AND FORMER SOVIET UNION,

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WILLIAM URY HAS BEEN IN THE

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MIDDLE OF MANY DISAGREEMENT.

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HIS RECENT BOOK IS CALLED:

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GETTING TO YES WITH YOURSELF AND

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OTHER WORTHY OPPONENTS.

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THE ULTIMATE NEGOTIATION IS WITH

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ONE'S SELF AND IN THE

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NECESSARILY THE OTHER SIDE.

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WILLIAM URY JOINS US TONIGHT.

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WELCOME BACK TO THE TOWN OF YOUR

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BIRTH.

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CHICAGO.

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YOU WERE FROM HERE ORIGINALLY

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AND YOU HAVE WRITTEN LAND MARK

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BOOKS ON NEGOTIATING.

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HOW IS THIS DIFFERENT?

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>> ROGER FISHER WAS ALSO A

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CHICAGO BOY AND SINCE THEN I

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HAVE FOCUSED ON THE OTHER SIDE

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OF THE TABLE AS BEING DIFFICULT,

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HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH BIG EGOS

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AND RIGID POSITIONS AND OVER THE

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YEARS, IT DAWNED ON ME HOWEVER

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DIFFICULT THE OTHER SIDE IS THE

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BIGGEST OBSTACLE TO GETTING WHAT

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WE WANT IN LIFE AND NEGOTIATIONS

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IS HERE, WITH OURSELF.

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HOW DO WE PRESENT OBSTACLES TO

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SUCCESSFUL NEGOTIATIONINGS, TO

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WHICH WE PRESUMABLY WOULD BEEN

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FIT?

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>> WHEN ANGRY YOU WILL MAKE THE

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BEST SPEECH YOU WILL EVER

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REGRET.

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>> AND SO, YOU TALK ABOUT HOW

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NEGOTIATIONS, ARE STRESSFUL.

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DOESN'T THAT STRESS SORT OF MAKE

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IT DIFFICULT FOR ONE TO ASSESS

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AND SORT OF NO ONE'S SELF?

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THAT IS WHAT MAKES IT HARD.

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THE FOUNDATION OF SUCCESSFUL

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NEGOTIATIONS, PHIL, IS SO BE

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ABLE, LIKE WE ARE NEGOTIATING ON

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STAGE.

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PART OF OUR MIND GOES TO A

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MENTAL OR EMOTIONAL BALCONY

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OVERLOOKING THE STAGE.

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A PLACE OF PERSPECTIVE.

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A PLACE OF SELF-CONTROL WHERE WE

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KEEP OUR EYES ON THE PRIZE.

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GOING TO THE BALCONY IS THE

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FOUNDATION OF THAT, AND IT IS

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NOT EASY TO DO WHEN YOU ARE

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UNDER STRESS.

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YOU GET AN E MAIL YOU DIDN'T

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LIKE, YOU HIT REPLY AND IT GOES

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OUT TO THE ENTIRE ORGANIZATION.

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WE NEED TO USE THE DRAFT BUTTON.

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>> TALK ABOUT OTHER WAYS IN

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WHICH A PERSON SABOTAGES HIMSELF

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OR HERSELF THAT IS HARMFUL?

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>> WE HAVE AN INNER CRITIC IN

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OUR HEAD, DOUBTING OURSELVES,

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AND GETS IN THE WAIVE OF US

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UNDERSTANDING OURSELVES.

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SO OFF THAN I FIND IN BIG

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NEGOTIATIONS, PEOPLE THINK THEY

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KNOW WHAT THEY WANT BUT THEY

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DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY REALLY

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WANT.

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I WAS WORKING WITH A BUSINESS

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ENTREPRENEUR IN A HUGE BUSINESS

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DISPUTE, AND I ASKED HIM WHAT HE

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WANTED, I SAID I WANT THE STOCK

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AT A CERTAIN PRICE AND FREEDOM.

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WELL ONCE WE KNEW THAT, WE WOULD

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GET IT.

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HOW DID YOU GET FREEDOM FOR THAT

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PERSON IN A SITUATION WHERE HE

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WAS TALKING ABOUT STOCK AT A

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CERTAIN PRICE.

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HOW DID YOU GET TO THAT POINT?

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>> ONCE I KNEW, FREEDOM, WHEN I

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MET WITH THE OTHER SIDE, OVER IN

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PARIS, BETWEEN THE FRENCH

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COMPANY AND BRAZILIAN COMPANY I

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SAT DOWN WITH THE OTHER

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NEGOTIATOR, I SAID LIFE IS TOO

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SHORT FOR THESE HUGE DISPUTES,

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FOR THEIR FAMILIES, ONE 50,000

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EMPLOYEES.

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I SAID IF WE COULD GO TWO TWO

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PRINCIPLES, ABOUT THE GUYS COULD

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BE FREE TO GO ON AND BE FREE.

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WHAT DOES FREEDOM MEAN, A

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ELIMINATION OF A COMMON COMPETE

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CLAUSE AND FIGURED IT OUT IN

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FOUR DAYS WE HAD BOTH MEN SIDE

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BY SIDE IN THANK YOU OFFICE IN

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AGREEMENT, JOYNLT PRESS

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CONFERENCE WISHING EACH OTHER

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WELL AND MEETING WITH EXECUTIVES

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AND HE SAID I GOT MY LIFE BACK.

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IN THE SITUATION THAT YOU JUST

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DESCRIBED, IT SOUNDED LIKE ABOUT

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THE SIDES NEEDED INTERMEDIARIES

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TO SORT OF THINK OF WHAT IT WAS

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THEY WANTED.

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WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE

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ONE, WHEN ONE IS JUST ACTING ON

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ONE'S, ACTING FOR ONE'S SELF.

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IN THE ABSENCE OF A MEDIATOR,

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WHICH YOU DON'T HAVE, YOU HAVE

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TO MEDIATE YOUR OWN DISPUTE AND

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LEARN...

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>> THAT IS WHAT THE BOOK IS

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ABOUT?

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>> BASICALLY DESIGNED FOR, IF

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YOU DON'T HAVE AN INTERMEDIARY,

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WHAT CAN YOU DO TO PRACTICE?

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THANKFULLY WE CAN PRACTICE EVERY

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DAY BECAUSE WE ARE WITH

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OURSELVES, 24-7.

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IF YOU PRACTICE A LITTLE BIT

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LIKE, FOR EXAMPLE, BEFORE YOU

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GET INTO A DIFFICULT MEETING OR

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DIFFICULT PHONE CALL, TAKE A

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MINUTE BY YOURSELF TO GO TO THE

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BALCONY AND RELAX, DEAL WITH THE

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STRESS AND FOCUS ON WHAT YOU

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WANT.

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LISTEN TO YOURSELF.

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AND THEN YOU WILL BE MORE FK

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TIFF IN THAT NEGOTIATION.

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PART OF THAT LISTENING TO ONE

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SELF, ULTIMATELY BECAUSE SWOCH

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OF WHAT YOU TALK ABOUT HAS TO DO

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WITH EMPATHY AND LOOKING AT

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SOMEONE FROM ANOTHER POINT OF

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VIEW, HOW DO YOU MAKE THE

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CONNECTION BETWEEN WHAT IT IS

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THAT ABOUT YOURSELF GETTING IN

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THE WAY AND THEN, WHAT IT IS

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THAT SOMEONE ELSE IS ULTIMATELY

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AFTER?

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>> THE ESSENCE OF NEGOTIATION TO

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ME, EVEN THOUGH WE THINK ABOUT

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TALKING, OBSERVE THE BEHAVE YOUR

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SUCCESSFULLY, YOU FUNTD THEY

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LISTEN MORE THAN THEY TALK.

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WHY DO WE FIND IT SO HARD TO

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LISTEN IN A NEGOTIATION.

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BECAUSE WE HAVE NOT LISTENED TO

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OURSELVES AND IF WE CAN LISTEN

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TO YOU'RESELVES, AND SPEND A

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LITTLE BIT OF OUR TIME WE ARE

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CLEAR MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL SPACE

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SO I CAN TAKE YOU IN AND LISTEN

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FROM THE OTHER SIDE.

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>> CAN YOU GIVE ME AN EXAMPLE OF

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A NEGOTIATION, WITHOUT NAMING

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NAMES, SOMEONE WHO WAS NOT ABLE

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TO SAY YES TO THEMSELVES WASN'T

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INTO A NEGOTIATION BURDENED BY

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ALL THIS STUFF.

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>> YOU KNOW, THAT BRAZILIAN

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NEGOTIATOR, HE HAD BEEN TWO AND

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A HALF YEARS, FALLING OFF THE

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BALCONY.

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HE HAD BEEN IN THAT SITUATION,

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IT WAS DESTROYING HIS LIFE AND

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OTHER PERSON'S LIFE BECAUSE HE

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COULDN'T CONTROL HIMSELF GOING

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TO A BOARD MEETING AND CALLED

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HIM SAEFL COWARD.

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AND ENGAGED IN AN EYE FOR AN EYE

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AND WE ALL GO BLIND.

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>> YOU TALKED ABOUT A MINDSET OF

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SCARCITY.

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WHY IS THIS AN IMPEDIMENT.

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ALL OF US SOMETIMES FEEL LIKE

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THERE ISN'T ENOUGH TO GO AROUND.

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THIS IS LIKE WIN-LOSE, IF I

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DON'T GET ANY SHARE AT YOUR

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EXPERIENCE, AND WE KNOW WHERE

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THAT USUALLY ENDS UP.

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YOU GO IN WITH THE SAME ATTITUDE

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AND WE END UP IN COURT AND WE

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END UP WITH NO RELATIONSHIP.

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AND THE ABILITY TO FOR EXAMPLE,

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LOOK AT OUR, QUESTION OUR

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MINDSET AND SAY, YOU KNOW, MAYBE

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THERE IS ENOUGH, THAT ALLOWS US

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TO SAY OKAY, MAYBE WE CAN ARRIVE

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AT AN AGREEMENT THAT IS GOOD FOR

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00:07:02,833 --> 00:07:08,600
ME AND GOOD FOR YOU.

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ONE OF THE THING THAT YOU SAID

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EARLIER, A CONVERSATION WITH

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00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:13,733
DIGNITY, SAVING FACE.

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TELL ME MORE ABOUT THE

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IMPORTANCE OF THAT AND ONE

205
00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:18,833
ACHIEVES THAT.

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00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:20,433
SO MUCH OF A NEGOTIATION, YOU

207
00:07:17,300 --> 00:07:22,300
DON'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE YOU

208
00:07:18,833 --> 00:07:25,466
LOST.

209
00:07:20,433 --> 00:07:27,600
>> IT'S TRUE.

210
00:07:22,300 --> 00:07:29,133
AND I WOULD SAY THAT DIGNITY,

211
00:07:25,466 --> 00:07:30,866
GIVING RESPECT, YOU KNOW MAY BE

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00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:32,833
THE CHEAPEST CONCESSION THAT YOU

213
00:07:29,133 --> 00:07:34,766
CAN MAKE IN A NEGOTIATION.

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00:07:30,866 --> 00:07:36,666
COST YOU NOTHING BUT THE OTHER

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00:07:32,833 --> 00:07:38,533
SIDE'S DIGNITY MEANS EVERYTHING

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TO THEM.

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00:07:36,666 --> 00:07:42,733
AND EVEN IN HOSTAGE

218
00:07:38,533 --> 00:07:44,100
NEGOTIATIONS, I HAVE TRADED IN

219
00:07:40,866 --> 00:07:45,300
HOSTAGE NEGOTIATORS, BE NICE.

220
00:07:42,733 --> 00:07:47,900
TREAT THE OTHER PERSON WITH

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00:07:44,100 --> 00:07:50,000
RESPECT.

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00:07:45,300 --> 00:07:52,700
NOT, THE DIGNITY THAT IS

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SOMEONE'S BASIC BIRTH RIGHT.

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THAT IS THE KEY TO ONE ELSE'S

225
00:07:52,700 --> 00:07:58,600
MIND.

226
00:07:54,266 --> 00:08:00,566
EVEN A BAD GUYS.

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00:07:57,266 --> 00:08:04,366
WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT

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RESPECT, WE ARE TALKING ABOUT A

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00:08:00,566 --> 00:08:07,233
BASIC HUMAN BIRTH RIGHT, TREAT

230
00:08:04,366 --> 00:08:07,500
THEM WITH DIGNITY, WHAT DOES IT

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00:08:06,566 --> 00:08:09,433
COST?

232
00:08:07,233 --> 00:08:10,533
YOU

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00:08:07,500 --> 00:08:11,900
>> YOU HAVE DONE HIGH LEVEL

234
00:08:09,433 --> 00:08:13,700
NEGOTIATIONS AND INVOLVED WITH

235
00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:14,733
NEW ENGLANDLAR AGREEMENTS

236
00:08:11,900 --> 00:08:21,200
BETWEEN THE U.S. AND FORMER

237
00:08:13,700 --> 00:08:23,566
U.S.S.R., HOW DID YOU GET

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00:08:14,733 --> 00:08:24,166
INVOLVED WITH THAT?

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00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:26,100
I DON'T KNOW, A VARIETY OF

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DIFFERENT WAYS.

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00:08:24,166 --> 00:08:29,333
IN THAT CASE IT WAS THE U.S.

242
00:08:26,100 --> 00:08:31,233
GOVERNMENT AND STILLS IT IS THE

243
00:08:27,133 --> 00:08:32,266
UNITED NATIONS AND SOMETIMES

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00:08:29,333 --> 00:08:34,333
SOMEONE HAS READ A BOOK, IN A

245
00:08:31,233 --> 00:08:37,133
VARIETY OF DIFFERENT WAYS.

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00:08:32,266 --> 00:08:39,766
FOR EXAMPLE, I AM WORKING WITH

247
00:08:34,333 --> 00:08:42,666
THE PRESIDENT OF COLUMBIA FOR ON

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00:08:37,133 --> 00:08:44,033
HOW TO END THE LAST MAJOR WAR IN

249
00:08:39,766 --> 00:08:45,533
THIS HEMISPHERE, WHICH IS...

250
00:08:42,666 --> 00:08:46,833
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

251
00:08:44,033 --> 00:08:48,733
>> WHAT AM I DOING?

252
00:08:45,533 --> 00:08:49,766
>> HOW DO YOU DO IT?

253
00:08:46,833 --> 00:08:51,400
THE TO THE REBELS COME TO THE

254
00:08:48,733 --> 00:08:52,933
TABLE OR SOMETHING?

255
00:08:49,766 --> 00:08:53,333
MPLGTSDS AT THAT POINT THERE

256
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:55,933
WITH WERE NO REBELS AT THE

257
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TABLE.

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00:08:53,333 --> 00:09:00,466
WE HAD TO GET PEACE TALKS GOING

259
00:08:55,933 --> 00:09:01,733
ON, IN THIS PARTICULAR CASE I'M

260
00:08:58,700 --> 00:09:03,900
MOSTLY INVITED WITH THE

261
00:09:00,466 --> 00:09:05,966
PRESIDENT AND HIS NEGOTIATORS

262
00:09:01,733 --> 00:09:07,933
AND I HAVE BEEN TO HAVANA TO

263
00:09:03,900 --> 00:09:10,500
MEET WITH THE LEADERS OF THE

264
00:09:05,966 --> 00:09:11,600
REBELS AND JUST TRY TO

265
00:09:07,933 --> 00:09:14,433
UNDERSTAND HOW DO YOU CHANGE OUR

266
00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:16,766
MINDSET, FIFTY YEARS OF WAR IN

267
00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:18,233
THE JUNGLE, HOW DO YOU END THAT?

268
00:09:14,433 --> 00:09:21,600
GOOD WILL YOU CAN WITH IT.

269
00:09:16,766 --> 00:09:23,300
I'M HOPING THIS YEAR WILL BE A

270
00:09:18,233 --> 00:09:26,100
YEAR OF PEACE IN COLOMBIA.

271
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:26,933
THE BOOK IS CALLED GETTING TO