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(soft music)

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- May 2020.

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Two days after the 
murder of George Floyd.

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I am seeing a 
two-year-old Black patient

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in my primary care clinic.

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He's a ball of energy, 
full of joy and curiosity,

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not yet aware of the 
cruel inequalities

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that will surely shape his 
life, and already have.

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My heart breaks for his mother

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as she shares with 
me her fears for him,

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and her hope that by the 
time he becomes a man,

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the world will be better.

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I promise his mother 
that as his doctor

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I will do whatever I can to 
help him have a better life.

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And yet this is a promise that 
I'm not sure how to fulfill

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and I wonder how 
she perceives me,

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sitting there across from her 
in that cramped exam room.

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Am I an allied 
underrepresented minority,

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or as another white person 
with good intentions,

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but little understanding of her

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and her son's lived experience?

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The truth is, I'm not 
sure how to answer

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that question myself.

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I identify as Latina.

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But I've recently 
been questioning what 
that means for me.

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My father's parents immigrated 
to the United States

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from Peru, and my mother 
identifies as white.

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My younger sister 
and I are proof

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that genetics are complicated.

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Her skin is much 
darker than mine,

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and I'm six inches 
taller than she is.

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She looks more 
"Latina" than I do.

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Recently I've wondered what role

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our physical appearance 
played in shaping our lives.

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I realize now that my identity 
has always been a choice.

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Our society uses 
appearance to define race

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and set expectations.

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My appearance does not 
tell my whole story,

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and I find myself 
consumed by the questions

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around my position as a 
Latina who looks white,

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and in recognizing my privilege,

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I struggle to keep 
hold of my identity.

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Do I count as a minority?

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Am I getting all the perks

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without having paid the 
same price as my peers?

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I grew up with the trauma 
of racism surrounding me,

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but not directly touching me.

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I can still remember 
the pained expression

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on my grandma's face on the 
day that her car was impounded

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after she was pulled 
over for speeding

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on her way to the airport 
after her brother died.

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She was flustered and sad

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and the police officer didn't 
understand her English.

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At the time, I could 
not yet understand

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the complexity of 
her expression,

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and I could only offer a hug.

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Now, I know I should 
have been angry.

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Angry for her, but also 
angry that these situations

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for which my family led to 
inconvenience and shame,

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might have cost someone, like 
my young patient, their life.

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In learning to recognize 
my own privilege,

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I also see the harsh reality 
of injustice and indifference

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based solely on the 
color one's skin

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won't be limited 
to this generation.

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I think about something 
as seemingly innate

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as our last name.

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I take pride in being an Alejos,

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but also recognize its role 
in defining my identity.

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And so I make a 
promise to myself,

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to continue putting myself 
in the humbling position

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to ask patients about their 
experience with racism,

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their fears for their children,

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and their hopes for the future.

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My own experience 
constantly reminds me

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that race is not simple 
or straightforward,

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and each person 
experiences it differently.

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However, regardless 
of how I see myself,

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I know society places 
me among the privileged.

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To ignore that is to 
be part of the problem.