WEBVTT

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(upbeat music)

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- [Tseganesh] Looking at
me, you see how I appear

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when I enter any space.

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A youngish Black
woman with a big smile

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and a strong handshake.

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What you don't see
is the manifestation

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of my inner white man.

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Yes, you heard me.

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I have an inner white man.

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Joe became a part of
my life the first time

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I put on a white coat
in medical school.

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I had him knock first
before we entered

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the exam room, and
had him sit next to me

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as I took a patient history.

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I channel him often
when I have to explain

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no, I'm not the nurse.

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Or yes, I have done
this procedure before,

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and no, of course I
don't mind if you talk

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to another doctor about this.

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Medicine is the space
designed to make me feel

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alone, uninvited, and
constantly second guessing.

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Joe is expert at protecting
me from the questions

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about my right to be here.

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Joe can pull up a seat
at any of the tables

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and be made to feel
welcome, even wanted.

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Listen, Joe is not
an internalization
of systemic sexism

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and racism that tells me
my worth is only based

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on a scale of whiteness,
nor is he a demonization

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of the white male narrative.

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I know every story is different.

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But my Joe, he serves
a dual purpose.

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He reminds me of the
systems that I live,

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and I work in, and
he is a powerful tool

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that I can use to thrive
in those environments.

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For example, Joe and I looked
in the mirror this morning.

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We made sure that this dress
didn't show too much cleavage

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and that it didn't hug
my hips too tightly,

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because I want to be
judged on the content

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of my words, and not
the shape of my body.

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Joe also reminds me to
push back my shoulders

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and stand assured that
my words are important,

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and my voice is worth hearing.

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My inner white man, my
Joe, is my shorthand.

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Joe is also my systole.

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Systole is the powerful
part of the cardiac cycle.

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Systole is this
life-giving force

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that drives oxygen
out of the heart

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and pushes it
throughout the body.

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Systole is loud.

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And it often drowns out that
brief silence of diastole.

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When I am in spaces of diastole,

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I notice that my body relaxes.

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I breathe more fully and deeply,

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and I feel myself expand
to my fullest expression.

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My heart is full, so full,

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that I can no longer
accommodate Joe.

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I have expanded
beyond the spaces

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that require his presence.

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Spaces of diastole are sacred.

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And I have come to understand
that they are formed

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through intention and labor,
and are not happy coincidences.

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My spaces of diastole
include my clinic.

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I walk in, I am greeted by
nurses and fellow physicians

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that reflect my
lived experiences.

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My patients are a tapestry
of new and old Americans,

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woven together in a neighborhood

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that is full of
history and promise.

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I work in a space
where my voice, my
story, they are enough.

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I work in diastole.

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Advocacy is systole, a
powerful forward movement

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that seeks to make change
on behalf of others.

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In advocacy, just as in life,
systole requires diastole.

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If we want the energy,
the perseverance,

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and power to seek change,

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we need spaces of diastole,

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where we can relax
and be filled,

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where we can heal, where
we can thrive and perform

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at our highest levels.

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We need to become
advocates for diastole.