COMING UP IN A COUPLE WEEKS.
WELL, ACTUALLY, IT'’S THE BIRTHDAY BEFORE A BIG BIRTHDAY.
BUT I LIKE TO GET AHEAD OF THINGS, AND AS I PREPARE FOR THIS ADMITTEDLY ARBITRARY NEXT PHASE IN MY LIFE, I'’M EAGER TO DO THINGS RIGHT.
AND I'’M NOT ALONE.
GOOGLE THE PHRASE,"“HOW TO AGE GRACEFULLY,"” AND YOU'’LL GET 102 MILLION HITS.
THE ADVICE IS GENERALLY COMMONPLACE AND BROMIDIC.
LIVE IN THE MOMENT.
STAY CURIOUS.
BE FLEXIBLE IN BODY AND MIND.
THAT'’S FINE.
BUT IF YOU'RE LIKE ME AND YOU NEED MORE PRACTICAL, GRANULAR ADVICE, HERE ARE A FEW SUGGESTIONS.
ONE, DON'’T MAKE OLD-PERSON NOISES.
I KNOW YOUR BACK HURTS AND THAT YOU GET LIGHT-HEADED WHEN YOU STAND UP TOO QUICKLY.
YOU KNOW THIS.
NO ONE ELSE WANTS TO KNOW.
SO GO EASY ON THE "“OOFS"” AND "“OYS.
"” TWO, GENTLEMEN: BE REALISTIC ABOUT YOUR HAIR.
I USED TO JOKE WITH MY STYLIST ABOUT THE SAD DAY WHEN MY RECEDING HAIRLINE WOULD MEET UP WITH MY BALD SPOT.
IT'’S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.
LEARN TO LIKE HATS.
THREE: DO NOT CO-OPT GEN Z LINGO.
FOR INSTANCE, IT'’S OKAY TO LIKE A SONG.
PLEASE DO NOT SAY IT "”SLAPS.
"” YOU WILL LOOK AND SOUND STUPID.
NO MATTER HOW MUCH "”RIZZ"” - THAT'’S CHARM AND CHARISMA - YOU HAVE.
FINALLY: WHILE I CAST NO SHADE ON LESLIE FHIMA AND THE REST OF THE PEOPLE LOOKING FOR LOVE ON "“THE GOLDEN BACHELOR,"” I WOULD SUBMIT THAT THERE'’S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AGING GRACEFULLY AND AGGRESSIVELY AGING GRACEFULLY.
IT'’S A THIN LINE.
FOR ME, I HOPE TO LIVE BY AN APHORISM GIVEN TO ME BY MY FATHER-IN-LAW WHO MADE IT TO AGE 90.
HIS CREDO?
"“ALL THINGS IN MODERATION.
INCLUDING MODERATION.
"”